说吧。秘密~

通告

2011-12-16T22:25:00.000-08:00

敬请留意
四季，心的方向～

珊珊《心情》转告将于《四季》里继续分享。

多多支持，谢谢～～～

呐喊：我要毕业！

2011-03-10T23:27:00.000-08:00

在这等待上课的空档,决定来写写最近的点滴。距离毕业还有大概一个月的时间。心情既紧张又兴奋有些迫不及待，更多的是、终于我来到了这一刻。迟来的毕业日.但是没有遗憾。还是很庆幸我走到了这里~~~遇到了很多新的朋友，经历了很多不一样的事。我终相信，冥冥中人生的每一个际遇都有所安排。尽管是令人伤心流泪的事，但种种的经历造就了今天的我~~~今日坚强，成熟的我。很感激曾在我生命中出现过的每一个人～~~你们或多或少都让我过得更好了：）谢谢你们~ 我会顺利毕业的。加油！

我认识的咸蛋女超人

2011-03-04T07:28:00.000-08:00

如果你看到这篇文章，请忍住你的眼泪。

你是我见过最有生命力的人。
第一次相遇，就是我们一起在医院见习时。（排除以前也许擦肩而过的时候）
那时，我们努力地抄着病例表；
然后，你开始冒冷汗，发抖。
你尝试忍着，深怕麻烦到身边的人；
越是忍耐，越是不舒服；
但你仍不说，直到忍无可忍；
直到我们叫你出去休息，你才肯屈服。
你就是那么一个坚强的人。

认识你越久，越觉得你的人生多姿多彩。
好几次在鬼门边徘徊，但你那‘咸蛋超人’的力量，总是让你战胜病魔。
从小体弱多病，但你仍坚强地活了下来。
严重的盲肠炎，使你流了许多血于泪；
以为痊愈了；又来了讨厌的肿瘤；
好不容易捱过来了，又来了另一场病。

许多大大小小的病毒，使你长期与药丸作伴。
但，病毒并没有磨光你的耐性与生命力；
反而助长了你的乐观。

你总是畅谈着你的状况，尽管难免会有流泪的时候，
但在擦干眼泪后，你总是以微笑面对，
用欢笑迎接每一天。

我们念的科系原本就不容易，
原本就须承受比别人多的压力。
坚强的你，就是对生命有着那无法解释的执着。
就算身体上的疼痛；心灵上的压力；
多得令你无法喘息，心跳加速，甚至晕倒。
你就是有那股力量，那股咬紧牙关挨过去的力量。
你的笑，你的乐观开朗，你的善良体贴，让你走过了无数的难关。
也许你不懂，
你的好处一罗罗，
优点一大堆，
对别人好到无话可说。

你会说，你很幸运，因为有一群好朋友，及疼爱你的家人。
也许你觉得那是上天对你的眷顾。
但，我相信那是上天赐予你的。
因为你，应该拥有。
因为你就是那么一个好人。

也许你不知道，但你真的帮了身边很多的人。
你所有的经历，陪伴着你成长；促使了你今天坚强的个性。
没有一个人的人生会过得平平淡淡的。
你比别人多了许多不可思议的经历。
那些点点滴滴成就了今天不可思议的你。
记得保持这种傲气与生命力。
就算以后遇到什么样的挫折都不要害怕；
因为，你拥有的是风雨无阻的冲劲。
累了，就休息一下。

我会很得空地陪你喝茶与逛街。

很高兴上天让我认识了你。
很开心，我们能变成好朋友。
很骄傲，我有一个无比勇敢的朋友。
很庆幸，上天那么的眷顾你，让你一次又一次的活了过来。

终于，你走到了毕业的这一天。
我相信你以后一定可以成为一个非常出色的药剂师。
你的善良开朗一定会感染到身边的人。

加油哦。
你就是有着蟑螂般的生命力。
哪怕遇到再多的挫折，哭过了，擦干眼泪，你又会重新出发。

你拥有着一颗善良的心。
保持着善良的心，迎接美好的未来。

×虽然有点恶心，但句句肺腑，字字恒呛×

超级开心，有你这么一位朋友。
愿我们友谊永固。

希望你看到这里，仍是在笑着～～

晚安咯· :P

一个星期的感动

2011-01-09T00:28:00.000-08:00

2011 年的第一个星期，有着特别多的感动。
在医院了，看到了老公公在为老婆婆擦拭身体；
看到了老婆在思心地为老公剪手指甲；
也看到了妈妈在为身受重病的女儿流泪；
那是亲人间的爱，一种不会被任何阻碍而使这份爱剪掉一分一毫；
就像一份誓言‘无论贫穷疾苦，都无怨无悔地对他不离不弃。’
我也庆幸我享受着这份爱。

那天，在一间茶餐室里，吵吵嚷嚷，人来人往，
耳际传来天籁的歌声。
是一对残障男女，一个没了左脚，一个没了右脚；
双双拿着拐杖，一拐一拐，拿着麦克风，
卖唱着。
一首首‘潇洒走一回’，‘春去春回来’，唱出了他们对于生命的执着。
他们没有因为身体的缺陷而自暴自弃，反而更积极的面对人生。
用歌声传递心声，感动人心。
众人纷纷递上零钱，表示一份爱心，一份关怀。
人生中仍有一细细温情；
人间仍有无穷的爱。

我突然感恩于我拥有的幸福。
也许是微不足到的幸福，
但要是没捉紧，很可能就在指缝间溜走。

我们应学习感恩。
新的一年，我期许更多共同分享的爱。

与其独乐乐，不如众乐乐。
爱，洒满人间。

生命，应被保护。

2010-12-10T05:41:00.000-08:00

今天的报纸，报道了一篇伤人心的文章。
新潮青年因抵不了与女友分手之伤痛，想不开而轻生了。
他忘了，身边爱他的人还有多少，为他流泪的人还有多少。
因为一时的钻牛角尖，生命不再有明天。

生命难道就这么不值得珍惜吗？
在医院里上班了两个星期，看见了无数的病人，在我眼前呼出了最后的一口气。
许多病恹恹的公公婆婆，仍努力地与死神奋斗；
他们努力的吃药，努力的复建，听着医生的吩咐，坚强的活着。
他们如此努力的活下去，为了要好起来，为了不让身边的人担心，为了有一天能回家去与家人共享天伦之乐。
他们的坚强令人动容；
但坚强，却抵不了死神的魔力；
许多病人，就这样带着不舍·遗憾·黯然地撒手离开。

我害怕看到那一刻，害怕他们被盖上白布，放上铁床的那一刻。
原来，人在停止呼吸的那一刻，连睡在软绵绵的床的资格，都一併消失了。
那天，我看见一个印裔男被盖上了白布；身边站着他的太太。
太太脸上没有泪，没有哀伤，没有不舍，没有愕然；
只有放空，那种放空的表情也令人哀伤；
那像是一种哀莫大于心死的表情，令人感叹生命的脆弱。

还有许多人，身上插满了管子，但他们仍努力的呼吸着；
努力的期望有一天，他们可以健健康康地，用双脚走着离开医院。。。
那是一种期望，希望。
这些希望是他们尽管忍受许多的痛苦，也咬着牙熬下去的动力。
看到他们那么的不懈，我好想为他们加油，好想为他们鼓掌，
但往往我能做的就是那么的一丁点。

为什么有些人却那么藐视上天赐给他们健康的身躯呢？
也许，他有着不为人知的秘密，不为人知的苦。
但，在把生命结束前的一秒钟，想一想有多少人，在咬牙切齿地祈求上天赐予他们活下去的机会。

生命珍贵得无以伦比。
心脏可以继续地跳动，肺部可以继续地呼吸；
是一种福气。
有福气的人不因该滥用这种权利。
我们应该珍惜，珍惜血液仍在体内流动的每一秒。

保护生命，爱护生命。
爱自己，爱别人。

姐妹情深

2010-11-19T07:48:00.000-08:00

欢庆雯雯归国，我们简单及隆重地与一堆草莓一同庆祝了。
谈天重来就是我们姐妹帮最爱做的事。
当然随着岁月，姐妹帮里多了些‘兄弟’。。。
ｖｖ的老公，欣欣的男友（虽然他甚少出现）
述说天南地北，说着雯在印度的奇遇。

‘我们白种人像动物园里的动物一样被人欣赏。。"
“那儿什么饮料都加奶，甜得不得了。”

还说了好多好多。。。
有朋友在身边真好。。。
品尝着可口的草莓。。。
述说着深深的姐妹情。。。

今晚的夜，连星星都笑了～～～

Gracious Goodbye...

2010-11-18T05:37:00.000-08:00

Been googling on what were those best words for retirement.
What does retirement means?
Old age? The end of a workaholic? or starting of another phase of life?
Personally? I preferred to believe that is time to spend all the money I have, wisely, and do something that i always wanted to, while i still can.
It was not a very good day with the sudden black out in IMU.
Things became slightly out of control, and the organizer started to freak out on whether the long planned event can be carried out smoothly....and then ... God just heard our prayers when He need to ~
Lights ON, air cond ON....
It was a long awaited day for Dr Mak.
Spending more than half of his life in education field, he honouredly retired at age of 70.
It was a day with lotsa wishes, presents and happiness.
Guests walked in with smile...
Dr Mak walked in with smile too ~
The event started off with a short video clip and brief opening by our Miss Mcee..
Followed by Prof PP's gratitude to Dr Mak and also a humour speech by Prof Ong Kok Hai..
Then, Dr Mak took the Mic..
It was hard for him to be on stage facing all of his old mates, old buddies, and had to farewell them, with smile but not tears....I knew he tried to hold back his tears.

"This morning, there's a sudden black out in IMU, then i thought that maybe IMU dun wan me to leave...but then suddenly the light on back...then i think ...may be is really time for me to leave...I spent 14 years working in IMU, there's a lot of memories in every corner ...i remembered those days we celebrated CNY together, having lunch together, and back to those days where IMU is no where like what we have now. There's only 3 staffs for pharmacy faculty, and the open concept office is real OPEN as in there's only table and chair...not even cubicles. People that walked in will thought that I'm jus PA for someone. And then slowly, we grew together... more staffs, more course.. I would like to thank IMU for giving me a chance to take up a lots of high post in IMU...and also thanks to all my colleague for working with me so long and giving me a lot of supports and helps along the way..I know speech should be like mini skirt...the shortest the best...." (laughs and applause from the floor) " I would like to thank everyone for giving me this small yet warm farewell...at first i thought wanted to leave quietly but IMU insisted for this farewell...and yes.. I appreciate it a lot. Thank you especially to Mai Chun Wai for organizing this. Left one old mak , we have a new mak in imu (same chinese surname). Hopefully this young Mak can contribute to IMU too...Thank you everyone..." speech ended with not only applause but also lotsa gratitude , thankfulness and heavy heart.
We clapped not because how good his speech was, but how much had he sacrifice for students, staffs, colleague and IMU.
He worked quietly behind ....without noticing anyone...without hoping for anything in return. Yes, he might not recognise his student well, but we will never forget how he left his footprint in our life.

I was sitting far back from the stage, seeing this old man, standing on the stage, with his hair all white, some wrinkles here and there over his face, yet still energetic. Every strand of white hair and wrinkles symbolised his path for his past 70 years. Yes, we might not be all of his life, but we definately marked a pit stop...a colorful pit stop on his life.

I try to recall all his good and bad.... and all I can remember was how funny he used to be while he was giving lecture, how responsible he can be when it comes to tutoring...and to my own surprises...i remember only his GOOD....

Our gratitude to Dr Mak can never be replaced by only presents, or slides, or speeches...
But we sincerely wishes him all GOOD....
healthy, happy, cheerful , relax....

Life doesn;t end with separation nor farewell but it brings hope for another reunion....

Before i left...I saw Dr Mak was happily smiling...and having photographing sessions with his students, with his friends....Deep inside I know is heavy hearted for him to say goodbye....but he replaced tears with smiles...waving with hugging....

Yes, we too...will farewell you with Smile..
Goodbye ~

笔墨情

2010-11-10T02:20:00.000-08:00

假期最开心的事，莫过于重拾会我的爱好，阅读。
通常只限于华语刊物，上至散文小说，下至报纸副刊；
偏爱于感动人心之刊物。
喜欢读者能以篇子只语，就能感动人心。
心随着作者笔下人物而起伏；
随着主角不幸的遭遇而落泪；
随着幸福快乐的结局而欢欣；
可以为了看小说而无眠；
最爱的，就是看着我爱的书，喝着我爱的咖啡。

曾想过，可有那么的一天，我也能令众生，倾倒于我笔墨下？
但，语法，仍欠那没一点；
思路也欠那没一点；
创意，也欠那么一点；
综合那么多的一点，嘻嘻。。。
看来前往以一支笔来赚钱的生涯还真是欠那么的一点。。。

有一段时间，没在看小说了；
因为，一栽头看，总是无法自拔；
最近，仍在忙课业，‘无法自拔’的事不能作，
因它会让我有罪恶感。

所以，爱上了副刊。
名人名句，令人启蒙不少。

张柏芝说：“人呢，遇到不好的事，不要觉得自己很惨，应该感谢，感恩；因为是上天对你的安排，当你坦然走过，走回高出，蓦然回首，那个过程更加值得欣喜。”
她，说得动听。

李商隐曾写： “ 锦謐无端五十妶，一弦一柱思华年。
                                  庄生晓梦迷蝴蝶，望帝春心托杜鹃。
                                  沧海月明珠有泪，蓝田日暖玉生烟。
                                  此情可待成追忆，只是当时已惘然。”

人生如曾有过那么镶嵌于心中的感情，还有遗憾吗？

多读多听多写，说不定真的有那么的一天；
我，也能以笔墨，以敲键盘，感动人心，脍炙人口。

是恶魔？还是天使？

2010-11-10T01:38:00.000-08:00

喜欢当天使还是魔鬼？
曾经，我是一个天使，乖巧得无人能敌；
从不要求买玩具；母亲要我做的，一定做足。
从来不会所不，任何人的要求，都一定全力以赴；
从不在放学后偷溜出去玩；
从不没有礼貌；
品行永远甲等；
功课永远前三；
那时的我，温柔得像天使。

随着年龄的增长，开始与社会接触。
复杂的社会，容不下善良的天使。
人善被人欺，这句话不无道理；
你不欺人，并不代表别人不会在你头上动土。
再不食人间烟火的天使，也被迫从容，妥协了。
有时候，环境迫使我们长大。
险恶让人不得没有提防心；
外头的世界到处危机重重；心怀不轨的人到处都是；
打劫，强奸，殴打事件天天上演；
天使已经没有办法露出灿烂的笑容；
天使已经历经沧桑，无以招架快速转变的社会。
天使开始披上了恶魔的衣裳。
雪白的翅膀，染上了灰色的尘埃；
甜美的笑容多了一份虚假；
单纯的心多了提防的枷锁；

                                                   天使当上了虚有外表的恶魔。
                                             恶魔只在必不得以的时候才会出现；
                                             在所爱的人面前，天使依旧是天使；
                                                 哪怕翅膀不再白；笑容不再甜；
                                               心，永远，保留着那么一片纯真。

                                                          武装成恶魔的天使，
                                                                   仍是天使。

《题都城南庄》

2010-11-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

唐朝崔护，《题都城南庄》

去年今日此门户，
人面桃花相映红，
人面不知何处去，
桃花依旧笑春风。

曾几何时，我也在唐诗三百首。
桃花依旧笑春风，
春风，扑鼻芳香，令人迷恋。
身边的人，去去留留；
身边的物，变幻无穷；
只有思念，不曾停歇；
回忆，袮补了无眠的夜；

曾那么的一时，我们并肩作战；
无为你我，任性妄为；
呼吸着快乐的气息；
享受着忙碌的疲惫；
朵颐着垂綖的美食；
追逐着时尚的尖端；

回忆总是快乐的。
但，快乐不会停止；
因为亲爱的朋友们，
又回来了。
我开始见到了，那即将被填满的友谊，
笑声将把沉睡的心再次唤醒；
快乐将我沉溺于美梦，

桃花不只是在笑春风了；
我们即将在桃花路上，
再次的任意挥洒我们的青春！

期待我的周末～

女人理念

2010-11-07T06:39:00.000-08:00

晃一晃，有一个月没写部落格了，并非没有灵感，只是太懒了。
颓废了大概两个星期，回到了我可爱的故乡。
怡保，山明水秀。。。。
喜爱星期日与家人窝在一起的感觉。
睡到日上三竿，跳过了早餐，偷了一口弟弟正在吃的油条，回到了儿时打架抢食物的情形。
很快到了中午，刚巧外婆与阿姨到访，便搭了趟姨丈的便车，一同去吃了午餐。
在车上，外婆，阿姨与妈妈七嘴八舌的谈论起谁的同事嫁了什么人；谁的儿子又娶了谁；
然后，阿姨开始语重心长地提醒我，要嫁，得找一个可靠的人嫁，嫁得不好不如不嫁。
突然，鲜少八卦的姨丈也加了一把嘴：“找个医生嫁了吧！”
妈呀，姨丈也太看得起我了吧！
嫁，谈何容易啊。
随着年龄的增长，无疑地，会开始担心嫁不出去的问题，但却只至于担心；
然后祈求上帝，赐我一个如意郎君。
嫁得不好，被别人说三道是；
嫁不出，也被别人指指点点；
人的这张嘴，这条舌，可真是杀人不见血。

哪个女人不期望一段美好姻缘；
哪个女人不奢望一个如意郎君；
哪个女人不渴求一场梦幻婚礼；
哪个女人不是在秉持着那么一点的信念，相信世界上的某个角落仲有那么一个‘他’，承载着满满的爱，打算无私地传递给你，用爱包容你，疼爱你。。。
因为有心，因为有信，也因为有爱，我们有了期待。
期待得到也许奢侈的幸福；
期待那妙不可言的爱。

愿有情人终成眷属，单身人找到归属，让我们一起美梦成真吧。

夜。纸飞机。

2010-10-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

从小，就被爸爸训练得很属水性。喜欢在水里的感觉，那无忧无虑的感觉。
从来在泳池里，我找到了我爱的宁静。也在泳池里，找到了无穷的自信。
最近，却有点厌倦了水里的蓝，冰冷的水，让我清醒，清醒得想要逃避。
所以，我爱上了蓝天的蓝，白云的白，徐风徐徐。。。
当然，我无法在天上飞；
但向往飞翔，飞向自由自在的未来。
曾经有人说过，要飞就去飞吧。
但人生，总是有很多其他的顾虑，而我又刚巧是那种常常想太多的人。
也许，我是那种缺乏勇气的人，也多少有点害怕面对失败。
也许，我常在想太多，想太多也许根本不可能发生的事。
害怕别人的冷言冷语，害怕别人的眼光；
就因为这样，许多时候都止步于， ‘我觉得’，‘我想’ 这种想法。
也因为害怕，心事从来都写满在自己的心里。
但，最近的我觉得我的心已无法再承受那许多的秘密与心事了。
结果，我爱上了纸飞机。
纸飞机承载着我的心事，飞到遥远的地方。
小小的纸飞机，无穷的力量。
令我释怀不少。
我与纸飞机的故事，才刚开始。

今晚的夜空，应该也会有一个纸飞机。。。。。。
承载着笑脸，与天边的星星，一同传递美丽的梦。

孤单。记忆。

2010-10-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

讨厌孤单的滋味，它像一个无法抑制的恶性毒瘤不断的扩散蔓延，令你坐立不安，力不从心。
曾经，我的身边围绕着好多好多的好友，每天，在他们的笑声中快乐的分享着我们的开心与不开心；每天早上一同匆匆忙忙地赶往去上课；旁晚有时会相约跑步；有时会一同在厨房里，做晚餐；煲补汤。得空时，还会做些甜点，享受嘴里的甜直入心坎。
如今，朋友们各奔东西；大家忙着工作，赚钱，拼命地为自己的未来努力着。
有时，我会想，我也在努力着吗？还是，我仍停留在恍恍惚惚的那是？
行动上，肢体上，我都在努力着；但心灵上呢？
何其奥妙。原来，我的心仍可停留在从前。
我记得好多好多的从前，好多好多的回忆。
回忆，在一个人寂寞的时候显得格外鲜明，格外令人无法忘怀。
记得我们的笑，我们的泪，我们一同分享的心事，一同面临过的所有。。。
我该向前。
向前面对我自己的未来，我自己迟来的一切。
曾经，我也拥有一股傲气，一股无法浇熄的勇气。
我正努力的燃烧起那微弱的勇气；
那努力迈向成功的自己。

记忆虽然模糊，但感觉永远真实。。。。
愿身边所有人，幸福快乐。
满天的星星，与我们一同迈向以后。。。。。。。。。

我近期热爱～～咖啡

2010-09-23T00:38:00.000-07:00

最近，爱上了下雨的午后。。
除了驱走炎热的热气。。。。也洗涤了沉闷的心情。
不知从何时开始，爱上了在午后喝一杯咖啡。。（尽管有时会喝到胃痛）
一杯咖啡的哲学何其多啊。
有人说，别喝太多咖啡。。。因为咖啡因。。。因为会导致骨骼疏松症。。
友人也说过, 一天可以喝不超过三杯的咖啡。
曾有那么的一段时间，实施一旦的下定决心要戒掉咖啡。
但，不到一个月就破功了。
咖啡啊，令人可爱可恨。
咖啡。。虽然爱，却不大会品尝。。
看来，是时候好好的学习，
如何品尝一杯好咖啡了。

一杯冒烟的热咖啡，配上绵绵细雨，何等的享受啊～～

等一个人咖啡

2010-09-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

终于看完了九把刀的小说。
等一个人咖啡。
书中的角色总是令人爱不释手。。。
人生，可曾真的那么完美？
咖啡一直都是我钟爱的饮料（仅次于巧克力饮品）
那冲调一百杯咖啡之后才会出现的真命天子。。。
那早已注定的月老红线。。。
默默地等待，造就了不只一段天注定的恩缘；
也造就了其它与咖啡离不开关系的爱情。。。
一杯杯的肯亚；一杯杯的爱尔兰；一杯杯的巧克力碎片；
一次次摩托车上的飞驰；
一次次的五星级料理；
一次次的烟火邂逅；
让我无法自拔的沉溺在九把刀的虚幻模拟世界中。。。
看来我也得努力地等待。。。等待肯喝下我特调的。。。
菠萝蜜火龙果大战无糖白咖啡～～

when is time to say goodbye

2010-06-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

have always predicted these days coming.. and yet... still tears jus keep come rolling down. It was a night that we would never forget i supposed..had our last night together...busy packing and removing all our stuff from the place that we have stayed for so long.. and officially said goodbye to each other.
It was a hot and humid night.. we were in fact tired but yet still not willing to waste any of the moments for our sleep... to keep awake, we ate my fav dark choc..:P (special thx to terrorist for the kind sponsor..)
ET was busy packing, with a heavy heart i know.
We weren;t talking much, me and SL were there, sitting aside, helping her to tape up all her stuffs. As if, we were sealing all our memories inside the yellow , brownish box. Memoirs of how precious all those that we have gone through.
We spent our birthdays together, from cakes to doughnuts to dumplings...
We spent our study time together, with late night supper, starbucks in middle of the time and waking up each other middle of the night to study...
we spent our holidays together, in each others hometown, doing stupid and crazy stuffs that colored up our life~
we shared our shoulders to each other whenever any of them need it.
we shared our tears, always found comforts and supports under the small hut..
Is such a pleasure to meet all of u gals.

we ended up the night with glancing through all those photos that you gals have taken in taiwan, sarawak and some other places, to capture down all those pretty faces inside my memory...days that we laughed and smiled together.

Clock ticked to 5am... and is almost time to leave. We left the place. 4 of us, had our breakfast inside the car, sharing this last moments of sharing foods together~~~
I drove. With high speed, afraid that we will miss the flight , yet feel gloomy and heavy hearted to say goodbye.
Yet, still have to say it.

It was a tight and warm hug.. that i will never forget.
keep the tears rolling inside my eye... trying hard not to let them roll down, saying that we will surely meet again (yes, we will of cox)

Missing those days that we shared our pillows and blanket...
missing those days that we cooked our dinner and making desserts together...
missing those moments where popo sharing her 'crush' with her tomato face..
missing those moments where we were attacked by terrorist...
yes~~

missing all good old days that we had...
but i believe that friendship never ends with separation, it makes it stronger and more precious with every meet up in the future~~

deep inside my heart...
i would say~~ i'll miss u all...so so much
Take care.

Story Of Us B106....congratulations!!!!

2010-06-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since i last updated my blog.. And yes, i think i need to update everyone here, whether this blog is being read o not.let;s update bits by bits, months by months.

March, getting on track.. getting myself into the circle of B107, thou it seems to be not so successful...with the unwiped pride on my ownself..but yet, i did all i can..

April, friends getting into final of the final~~ Housemates were so tense up, getting into the mood of final exam. I was in the tense up and all gear up condition, with my warm , blessed heart, i sent all of them into the exam hall ( hope u gals can feel it, with all the soup and tong sui to pamper ur stomach) lol...

May~~~ is the time for trips and fun... and yes.. i missed out all those moments~~ but yet i still appreciate all the souvenirs that i got!! Thank you people.. love u all so so much for never missing me out..

June ~~ and yet.. a month that most of us longing for. Especially B106. Been working so so hard to make the ball done. With lotsa heartache, quarrel, sleepless night, black face, raised up voice when we shouted to each other (and yes, due to some frustration and so much that need to be settled) but yet, we still have fun working together. I will never miss out those moments where needles and scissors are lying all around the floor and we have to hop through tonnes of paper jus to walk to another room... and also not to forget those helpers that helped us out volunteerily..and also food that we ate avtime after one whole day of hard work!!!

and FINALLY..on 3rd June , CONCORDE SHAH ALAM... a day where all our efforts and hardworks will be reveal..
special thanks to committee , Mcee and ah nian , and also amy and sing yee for being there so so early~~~ to help us to set up the place and also a final rehearsal.. thou there;s still some error for the opening part but yet~~~ all in all... is still a successful one I HOPE...

5th june 2010... a mark off for B106ers.. that they finally make it to the finishing line... I was there.. sending in my wishes once again and congratulations..It was a happy day for everyone... those smiles on their face...those shots that we took... those flowers and bears that we sent in~~~
CONGRATULATIONS B106....i will put all our memories in my heart...forever and ever~~~~

STORY OF US B106....a story that will never end~~~

kicks

2010-02-07T21:34:00.001-08:00

Why do I have to make my own life so miserable??
Why do I have to receive all the bombardment from u all…
Not paying the huge amount of money that u gals own me.. what the heck..
Yes go go ahead wait till the person u wan to come bac.. then get it done..
Yes if u think I never did a good job.. then I;m not!!!
Shit!!!
I’m the one being accused not cleaning up the hse.. wow!!
Out of my surprise… I thought someone else need to be blame!!
Never thought that when I get back the ball..everything becomes so much tougher..
Yes never get trusted …
Because the first bill that I have to collect to them is expensive!!
What.. so is my fault??
My fault for not being collecting it months by month?? I was not there!!!
And then… when I came bac..no one trust me..
Everything that I have counted out was all a lie to them.. great…
So what I done previously was all smashed back into rubbish bin!!!
Rubbish throwing issue.. I;m being accused not throwing rubbish.. wow..jus can’t believe how everything can be twisted.. why they dare to tell me bout this but not others??
Trying to be a good person?? Ended up..someone that being hatred the most.

Incovarians

2010-01-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

Incovarians, what does this title means??
more responsibilities, more inspiration, more excitement or more of others?

Incovarians have much more qualities , which is hard to be explained by words.
Incovar is a camp not only inspire people but teaching lay people like us to be a better person, giving out more helps to others.
Yesterday, in ajahn chah remembrance day, I can see a lot of familiar faces from incovar. Perhaps, they dun remember your name; perhaps they dunno which incovar u have been to, but they will always know that u are once an incovarian.

It makes me feel more at home. Sense of belonging to a place where everyone will have good will, good deed, good intention to you. And yes, this is a place call--incovar.

Sometimes i will think that, isin't it strange. There is always some sort of chemical reactions within incovarians. Spending only 4 days with each other in the camp, and can turned out to be very close friends that able to share voices of your heart to each other.

Under that atmosphere, with merits and love that spread out by others, even secret that never being revealed will be split out on that particular night, when we were blinded folded, making vows in heart that everything will kept within the four walls, we shared secrets with tears and hugs.

Life will not be so fun, if i never been to incovar.
I've gained much more than i have ever expected.

Ajahn Chah remembrance Day

2010-01-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

16.01.2010

Ajahn Remembrance Day
Din expect much when first visit to this event.
Reached there early in the morning 6 sth, started the day off with ushering.
I always love ushering..
Putting up the greatest smiles to others, greeting a very good morning to all the guest present, and in return, you will get lots of smiles and greetings as well.

The morning started of with Dhamma talks and it ends off with more Dhamma talks.
Is a day we attained not only knowledges but also more merits for us and for our family.

There's a lot of dhamma I learned, but not all that i can digest and understand.
There is one ajahn, mentioned something about ajahn chah.
He said ajahn chaH always do things based on examples, in the morning, sometimes, sangha on duty dun even have chance to ring the bells, because ajahn chan will rang it before anyone woke up; you thought u will be the first one in the shine hall, ajahn chah will always be there, no matter how early you were;

Ajahn chah always set himself as an example.
And this is what a leader should have. Fierce when u need to, be good to everyone, be a teacher to everyone, sharing out merits and love without asking anything in return.

Mind controls our body. We have our own choice to choose whether we wan to be happy or not. Why do we have to suffer with all those negative feelings?
Yes , it did inspire me.
However, inspire not enough to make me able to apply it in my daily life.

I still will get disturb by negative feelings.
The time to get rid of all these...will be a time to infinity.

Brand new Hui shan..

2010-01-05T00:58:00.000-08:00

First blog in year 2010..and this reminds me is time to set up my new year resolutions and works toward it. Is time to forget the past..and move forward..searching for a better and also brighter future.

Yes..last year 2009..was a year with lots of ups and downs, loops and bounds..
yes..first half of the year was great, everything seems to be in control, i have funs, i enjoyed my studies, my life...but things changed..second half of the year, everything hacked me without noticing me earlier. Things seems to be pouring down, i've got out of control in my life. Tears rolling down, i wet my pillows for countless night, i stared upon the star and make my wishes..but none of it comes true..may be i wasn't hardworking enough, may be i wasn't sincere enough.

I always thought that i was a good girl, i never do harm to anyone.. i always wanted to serve best to others, despite my own good. But bad things still come to me..testing my determination and toughness, testing me on how to survive in rough wave in the ocean. I almost drown. I admit. It was so tough to get back up. To back on track.

This year, once again i wishes upon the star. Crossing my fingers, in front of my heart, i sincerely pray that my new year resolutions will come true.

This year, i hope that it will be a good year, not only for me but for all of us.

My new year resolution:
1. Get back in control in my studies
2. Enjoy my uni life
3. Expand my social life
4. Sincere smile
5. Do more good to others
6. Keep fit..

Yes..
2010, a brand new year, may all the dark clouds left me.. left me far far away please..
i need more sunshine..
I need a good good year..

Happy new year..

Muazkx

2009-12-19T01:27:00.000-08:00

where my heart goes?
I have no idea.
Read bout ET's blog lately...'life is complicated enough, so we don't complicate it anymore.'
I agree.

Life is always more than boys and girls relationship. Some see it as something very important, some don;t. As for me, of course it will be a great bonus in my life and i have no doubt eagerly waiting for this bonus.

Back to days where we have phone chat and more chat...which related not only to what we did recently but also into sex....there's no boundary and limits on our topics..but sometimes i'll think issit too much when we talked bout all these..

May be we won;t go any further ... or may be we will...
But life is always unpredictable..

I love sparks in my life... I love excitement....
And I'm waiting for love dust to sprinkle on me.

Bloody hell day.

2009-12-18T01:20:00.000-08:00

What a day!!!
already have bad mood due to menstrual pain, and not sure why is it so pain this time as i dun normally suffered from menstrual pain,all these feelings go from bad to worst while i got that msg..in my inbox.
great...so that is it...one day before, we were still happily having our gathering and one day after that everythg just went so so wrong...ger...
yes we were wrong... we admitted and we apologised for that..
so why do we still accepting such an inbox msg?? or shall i put it as warning???
is a msg that dun expect any reply as suppose...as i dun think anyone of us know how to reply such a msg..
"so u guys happy la.." i dun like this line at all!! we are not happy!! why shall we? for being scolded??

so this is it right?? sometimes sorry just dun cure...
what else can i say??
there's nothing else we can do?
but we learned from mistake.
There's no more such a mistake happened whether is on us, or on u..

What a day?? testing my EQ on how far i can stand from bursting?
well great...i'm near to explosion!

久违了

2009-12-09T18:47:00.000-08:00

久违了的部落格。
应该记载一下生活上的点点滴滴对吗？？但今天我想写的却是心里的想法。
曾经，我是很好面子的人。我在意别人对我的看法，所以我尽可能地做好本分，但很多时候，事与愿违。
很快地，我又要开学了。但这一次的开学，不会有兴奋或期待；只会有紧张和更多的紧张。
但，我期许我的未来会更美好。
加油！

梦想

2009-10-14T02:22:00.000-07:00

最近是毕业高峰期。。。许多朋友都毕业了，朝着自己的前途及梦想前进。
梦想。。。还记得，我们都曾为了自己的梦想而迷茫的时候吗？
现在，我们都长大了，都朝着自己的梦想更近了。。。
但，越靠近，越觉得害怕，越觉得无可预知的未来更可怕。
那视乎是一个那么近，却有那么远的梦。
好久都没了那股想要追求自己梦想的冲动了。
曾经，有友人说过，他的梦并不在他正在做的工上；
也有友人说过，她毕业过后，未必会做回与她念的科系有关的工作；
那么，当初大家都曾追求的梦想呢？

已经忘了自己还雄心壮志的时候了，每天视乎像例行差事一样；重复的做着自己习惯的工作，像是麻木了
的机械人般，有条理的朝着已经分不清是责任，还是梦想的事情奋斗着。
梦想，还存在吗？？
梦想，到底是什么呢？
是一个遥不可及的海螫阁楼？？
还是，我们可以努力奋斗的目标？

我自己也分不清了。
梦想到底是离我越来越远？？还是越来越近呢？？
梦想，是瞬间灿烂，还是永恒美丽...

p/s:愿朋友们都朝着自己的梦想前进。

冲凉.浴室

2009-10-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

我是一个很喜欢冲凉的人。
我喜欢花洒的水洒在我身上的感觉；
我喜欢泡沫铺满全身的感觉；
那种阵阵的芬芳，让人忘了忧愁；
花洒上的水，视乎有神奇的魔力，可以把不开心，一一冲掉。
不开心时，我喜欢呆在浴室里；任由花洒的水珠在我身上奔跑。
我喜欢在身上察上厚厚的泡沫，浓浓的香味，有着疏解压力的作用。
喜欢看着白色的泡沫，随着水流满整个浴室的地面。。
像是可以形成一幅画，一幅写满我心事的画。
它们像是我很好的朋友似的，永远不会把我的秘密泄露出去；
只会把我的烦恼，默默地，安静的带到远方。。。

今天，我用了绿茶味的沐浴露。
喜欢这个味道。。。因为，它让我有着回忆。

对不起

2009-10-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

每一次都是这样，不是吗？
我任犹所有的话一句句的往我心里络下一条条的伤痕。每一句我都听进去，我都记进去。
我的心中也有很多得不安。也有很多未知的未来，又怎样？
每一次的结果都一样，我默默的在听，默默的在听，忍住要反驳的时候。
每一句每一句，都像在那很深的伤口里撒盐。
那个没次愈合了又伤的伤口。。。
已经使我疼得没有任何感觉了。

原来,我还是那样

2009-09-30T03:03:00.000-07:00

已经有一阵子没有这种落寞的感觉了，以为自己痊愈了，原来没有。原来内心的某一处，还是害怕寂寞，
害怕面对未知的未来，害怕让别人知道自己的失败。
人生中容许失败吗？因人而异，不同的人当然就会有不同的想法。
而我自己觉得呢？
我陷入了无可取决的迷茫时期。
有时，我觉得只要我再努力，我就可以从失败中爬起来；
有时，我却觉得，我已经没有勇气再去面对这一切。
我知道，我明白，比我不幸的人还有很多。。。很多。
我，也许只是在经历人生中小小的挫折。
但这挫折，来得波涛汹涌，令我几乎招架不住了。
我很努力的面对着这一切，但我也会有累了的时候；
累了，就会开始钻牛角尖了。。。开始自怜自哎，觉得只有自己在孤独地面对着这一切。。。
所以，我害怕寂寞，害怕夜深人静的时候，只留下我一个。

未来，只是一片迷茫。
我根本看不清远方的路。
我应该继续为自己加油打气。。。。直到。。。。永远。

友谊万岁

2009-09-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

大家开始工作之后，大概就很难再见面了吧！所以我很珍惜每一次相聚的机会。
这一次的长假，有得有失，得比失多，或少？很难衡量。

当然，我不让这一次的长假白白的过。
最值得安慰的是与姐妹们，无数次的聚会。最近这几次的聚会，大概比平时一年里的聚会还要多吧！
哈哈哈。。。但我，享受每一次的聚会。
没有压力，没有顾虑，没有不能说的话，没有分享不了的秘密。
我们一同成长，一同面对过了考试的压力，进大学的彷遑，对爱情的期待，对于未来的茫然。。。

从以前一同穿着白衣蓝裙到校园去，到现在相约穿上最亮眼的衣服才会出街。。。
从以前每天下课一同去挤食堂，到现在相约茶餐室喝下午茶。。。
从以前的四眼妹，到现在都在戴隐形眼镜。。。
从以前不施脂粉就浩浩荡荡的出街，到现在说好要一起化妆才会出门。。。
从以前懊恼谁的父母可以负责载送，到现在讨论谁该驾车。。。。
从以前讨论零用钱不够多，到现在讨论工钱不够多（虽然，我还未真是地工作）。。。

长大了，友谊同样在长大。。。。
希望我们都越变越好。。。

与所有水瓶座共勉之

2009-09-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

可惜我们都是水瓶座。

那天，与好久不见的水瓶K见面，她，消瘦了好多，人也变得没有那么的开心。虽然表面上视乎还有笑容，但，同样是水瓶座的我，感觉得出，那是一种“皮笑肉不笑”的她。水瓶座出了名的心事多，有心事，也不愿告诉别人，因为，我们很想要保护自己，很不愿意，把自己的心，赤裸裸地呈现在别人的面前。

水瓶座的人，总是想太多。常在想一些有的没的，越想，越多忧愁，越不敢朝自己最想要的梦想前进。所有的心酸，会希望自己扛，泪会往心里流。总觉得，我们没有必要把自己的问题，变成别人的包袱。

水瓶座的人，总觉得很难把心事告诉别人，因为，我们不容易相信别人。我们会希望，别人不强迫我们，把我们的心扉打开，因为会以为没有人会明白我们的心。

这一次，水瓶K真的比以前不开心了很多。我们畅谈了好多，畅谈了我们的未来，我们未来的及实现的梦想。成长，多了很多的烦恼。我们不再像小时候，谈着甚么连续剧好看，哪个补习老师最好，妈妈又唠叨了甚么。。。
现在的我们，有更令人无法解决的烦恼，我们的前程。那看似前途无限好的未来，真的那么好吗？
我们仍漂浮与茫然与迷茫之中。“雾里看花，纵隔一层” 我们的雾，多得让我们看不清前方的路了。

她说，有机会再把一切告诉我。希望她真的能够打开心结，过回开心的生活。就算是感情也好，事业也好，只要勇敢的面对，一定会找到解决方案。没有任何决定是完美的。就算是多完美的安排，仍会有漏洞。。。仍会有无法预测到的 “意外”。有很多时候，机会就在那么一刹那，机会错失了，也许就会是个遗憾了。

年轻不应留白。年轻应该过得更有自我。年轻，是应该活得更开心的。

共勉之！

1am till 2.31am

2009-09-24T19:44:00.000-07:00

OH well, this is the normal sleeping hour for normal people and normal days but not when ur good buddy asked u to read bout her blog. So, with all my guilt and sorry, i have to beg for the blog site AGAIN and read bout her blog. (p/s : is dunno how many times i lost her blog add.)

Is a very well decorated blue coloured blog with a song which i dunno where is it from, anyway tat's not the main point. I have to be fast to search out which is/are the RELEVANT passage so that i can ask RELEVANT questions. So, within seconds (all thanx to the speed reading ability due to a lot of training in searching info for portfolio) I've found the passage!! Hooray. And, to my surprise , hmmm shock, i read bout this line " you're another loser that couldn't accept a NO from a girl" . OMG! what is this mysterious xxx? another X-file?? I have to dig it more out! So, i decided to call her... but then, hmmm now is always not very convenient to have GIRLS talk when ur mom was around. So, we cut off the phone and switch back to MSN. It's really amazing how convenient new technology can be (lol) So, we chatted all about what had happened, what are the consequences , how thgs got more complicated? (bleh~) But...when she msn-ed me "and u noe, the funniest part is..." BLINK. I was disconnected. Ger~~ unstable wireless connection again. What to do? i decided to use bac phone call then.

It was 1 am that time. Lol. Is always much more easier to talk then typed. Cox there is no emotion when u see words popping out from ur laptop. U can only guess what others feel by all those emoticons (which some of them are so 18sx..wahahah) Anyway, we had a very nice and COMPLETE chat ytd nite!! We reported to each others what happened lately, ourselves, our family, our friends. I love those moments when we were still in high school, meeting each other everyday, never get bored on chatting and hanging out in MCD, and also...gossiping about others using weird weird nickname like Mr ACIDIC. (wahaha...u sure noe who he is, buddy.)

Suddenly, my mom turned my door knob half way while we were chatting, complaining that i'm too loud and afraid that I will irritate our neighbours . Oooops, oh well, sorry. HAHA ( oh , jus to mention, i was chatting in my 18 degrees room, lying on my king size bed, with blanket covering my body , and only the head popped out, and handphone on my left ear ) so...hmmm hv to turn down my volume a bit. So...we continued. Haha, from old school mates to teachers, to frens, fren's parents .... well unbelievable. Girls talk can always be a forever thing and we will never get tired of chatting. Then, her sis 'interuppted' a bit into our conversation, to say hi and also, playing wif her lovely fon fon. (perhaps i should have said hi to fon fon as well...hmmm next time ya jo. ) wahaha... then, oh not to mention the part where i was being accused on my sucks memory again. I used to be very lousy in remembering faces and names. As a consequence, u will being said absent minded and poor in observation and even u claimed that u are improving, it doesn't help much. First image is always important, it can be life long. What a pity...

So...so, this round of girls talk lasted 1:10:49. It ended at 2.31am. WHEE...we are amazing! haha. Anyway we have had chatted longer than this, so is not a new record either.

It is a lovely night! Hope that u had a nice dream and deep sleep, I had mine...my 'lovely' princess. ( nah...i used the word 'lovely'...so u cannot get mad)

wahaha...warmest blessing to u, jo and...fon fon...Muazx.

Mp3-Codes

2009-09-23T22:36:00.001-07:00

More at MP3-Codes.com

女人与靴子

2009-09-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

总觉得女人得一生中一定要有一双属于自己的靴子。因为靴子，象征着狂野中带点俏丽；成熟中又不失女人独有的韵味。但是，要找到一双适合自己的靴子，是何其难事呀！不同的靴子，可以出席不同的场合，陪衬不同的衣服，穿出不一样的味道。曾听友人说过：选靴子就像选男人一样，除了感觉要对，舒适以外，外表还要相衬，这样才会美观，惹人称羡。也因为这样，许多女生都抱着太大的希望，太高的要求，一直无法找到称和自己心意的靴子，同样的男人亦如此。

而我，正物色着自己最爱的靴子。

这是一双短靴。有着可爱的蝴蝶结，温柔的颜色，俏丽可爱。乃为我靴子之首选。

当然，现在这五花八门的世界，你要什么样的靴子都有。典型直筒长靴；刚烈高跟短靴；有狂野型的；新潮养眼格子长靴；及灰姑娘似浪漫及跟短靴。

不同的性格，会喜欢不一样的靴子，会穿出不一样的味道。而在决定哪一个才是属于自己的靴子时，往往女生会考量太多；担心太多；而往往与属于自己的靴子擦身而过。所以说，要找到一双自己称心满意的靴子，还真是一件不容易的事嘛。找到了就要好好的珍惜，为这不易得来的缘分深深的感恩。

我正努力寻找属于我的靴子，期待着我会找到它的那一天，而你找到了吗？

MC JEW 系列之 JEM product

2009-09-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

这是一部很像鬼片的生日短片。
先介绍一下片里的人物角色：
最眼浅女主角，J小姐
最佳新进导演，E小姐（同时，也荣获最佳惊愫片摄影手法的头衔）
最上镜女配角，M小姐（偶尔要自恋一下）

本片名为：JEM之温馨 ` 恐怖生日之路

内容为：

主角因为收到了前所未有的礼物而欣喜万分，感动得泪如雨下。在阅读好友们远方飘来的祝福时，更是感
动流涕，但因为非常爱美，又刚巧忘了用 ‘防水睫毛膏’。。。所以只好强忍眼泪，努力挤出笑容，搞到出现了 ‘又哭又笑’ 的金典画面。另外一方，负责准备礼物的 M 及 E 小姐，也因为自己成功把寿星女弄哭，而开心庆功，高举‘V’手势。。。并开始盘算着下一次的 ‘催泪大行动’。。。尽请期待！！

本故事纯属‘呕心沥血’之作，如有雷同，纯属巧合。

p/s : 对于那有点像鬼片的特别效果是为了。。。。。使这部片更加深入民心。。。生日片拍得如此特别，请给
我们的导演热烈的掌声！！！！还有我们那漂亮的女主角，鼓励鼓励。。。。。（下次记得，要用‘防水’化妆品）

毕。

here m i again...

2009-09-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

这将会是一篇很长很长的心声。
对，久违了的部落格。有好多好多想说的话。。。。。最近，在很期待自己未来会怎么样，但，却思不出
个所以然。最近，也很想念朋友，所有曾在我生命中出现过的朋友。
MCJEW，我们新成立的帮派。我们五个姐妹淘，有天南地北聊不完的话，有着大家不能说的秘密。。。
M 正是在下。。。没有什么好说，就是一个最普通，最不起眼，路过也会见到好几百个的平凡人。
C ，小小的身影下，背负了许多我们见不到的重担。坚强的让别人汗颜。总希望，她有问题时可以找别人帮忙，但坚强独立的个性让她很努力的，勇敢的朝着自己的目标前进。
J，最最最最好的姐妹淘。已经到了动一下鼻毛，就知道她要卫生纸的境界（虽然有点夸张）。她吗，做什么都要快，总像在与时间赛跑，一天24小时，她会用足23小时。说话快，走路快，驾车快，骂人快，赚
钱也快；其实总很感恩她的出现，让我在有问题时，有倾述的对象。
E，也是姐妹淘。最常通电话的对象。分享着许多成长的秘密；讨论着成长的无奈，随之而来的种种问题。她，也是最常把我们五个联系一起的桥梁。。。。（因为，我们其他人太懒了：P）
W，唯一一个与我大学生活最接近的。因为，我们上了同一所大学。大学里，有了她，不会那么的孤单，寂寞。。。至少，我知道有一个姐妹，就住在一条马路以外。还要特别鸣谢她的男友，虽然，常说一些没
有很准的广东话，但也很可爱。

常会说，如果有一天，我们找不到命中注定的那个他，我们就一起住。一个人的时候就常会在想，要是我
们都开始工作了，分散在世界各个角落，会不会有一天，大家都忘了大家？见面时，不在聊个没完？当然
，我现在深信着这一天永远都不会降临。

在大学里，我也庆幸遇到了你们。。。。
G，最要好的朋友。会因为偶尔的意见不合，不满对方，但很快的，又和好如初。谢谢你为我的大学生活留下的所有色彩。。。。也谢谢你曾为我的失败留下的每一滴泪。
C，典型的“香蕉”。但却是一个多愁善感的香蕉。常会为了小事而难过。会因为考试压力而心理失调，有哭有笑，还会与我争厕所。。。但却也是最敢与我暴力相对地‘交手对象’。。。
M，最可爱的婆婆。哈哈。。。最令人怜惜，也最不舍对她大声说话的。。。因为她太太太温顺，乖巧。但，也很开心，因为她，我们多了一个可以欺负的对象。

我们几个，住在同一个屋檐下。每天朝夕相处。。。。也同样聊着没完没了的话提。会因为对方难过而难
过；因为对方开心而开心。

当然还有好多好多，无法一一尽数。。。但所有出现在我生命里的人，很感谢你们。让我的生活多了好多
的色彩。

好像很感伤。。。。
但最主要的是要告诉大家，很开心遇到了你们。。。：P

美。帅。

2009-08-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

哈哈。很吊的题目。但，我喜欢。
短发的坏处就是很快的，又要去修了。所以，才减了一个月的短发，又要去给发型师赚钱了。
所以，这种时候，一个恰当的发型屋及发型师是绝对很重要的。

何谓恰当的呢？当然最重要的，就要价廉物美。便宜得来，技术也不能太差。
最好呢，发型师好要略微帅。嘻嘻。
所以，我发型屋的首要抉择。
phillipe sum 发型屋。而且还只是一间特定的分行，因为，他算我最便宜。
而且，最重要的，他的发型师很帅，很健谈。
这样一来，我让他赚钱，赚得甘心。也剪得开心。

在帅哥的抄刀下，很快的，美美的发型出炉了！！！

短发中的美与帅。清爽。干净利落！

送给你的生日礼物。

2009-08-13T05:32:00.000-07:00

真替他们开心.
今天,是一个朋友的生日(预祝)....很开心他过得那么好,不再活在自己的阴霾里.开始敞开胸怀,接受新的感情,新的未来.羡慕吗?多多少少有一点，但是祝福胜过一切。
我正心诚怡的祝福他们。

你们要幸福哦。。。。。
就算只是很好的朋友，也是很幸福的。需知道，我们可是修了好几辈子的福气，才可以成为很好的朋友的。。。

愿你们永远快乐，幸福。。。。。
送上这首很感动的歌。。。。希望你们可以一起，到达‘最幸福的海‘。

好像有点太伤感了，但是，想让你们知道。。。只要经历过种种，最后还是可以很幸福的。
为此，另外送上一首歌吧。。。。很应景哦。。。。

最后，生日快乐啦！！！
这就是你的生日礼物了。。。别再向我要了。。。。
生日快乐！

希望，你不嫌弃咯。。。。。

brand new design..

2009-08-08T08:48:00.001-07:00

hey ya....
is a brand new design of my blog...
and to everyone out there... I've cut my hair short ( hmmm.. perhaps is a old news for most of u...but for those that haven't seen my look....lol...)

why there is this sudden change?? oh well just think of need to give a brand new change to everything to accept all the changes that i gonna face.

a brand new look...with brand new blog...hopefully will be a brand new journey waiting for me ahead....

我，一个怎样的人？

2009-08-02T01:12:00.000-07:00

我，是一个怎样的人？我是容易令人安心的人吗？我是令别人厌恶的人吗？
最近的我，已经变成连我自己都不晓得是一个怎样的人了。
我最近，开心吗？
不。
最近的我，连部落格都想欺骗。
我好想告诉所有人，我很开心。但，我没有。
脸上的笑容不再真诚。泪水，直往心里流。总以为，我可以是一个很坚强的人。但，我不想再是一个很坚强的人了。假惺惺的坚强连我都觉得自己很令人讨厌了。

总会看到同学在校园的一切活动。。。。很感慨没能参与。。。。
别人都会说‘没关系，跌倒了，爬起来就好。我爬起来了。。。但我的伤口，深得我没有信心它会愈合。’
每天会为自己的失败懊恼。会因为一个又一个的噩梦惊醒。
只会用忙碌的生活，麻醉自己的感觉。

以为自己会坦然接受一切。但我不是，我没有。
好想好想哭。痛痛快快的哭。我流出来的泪海。。。旨在提醒自己，我就是这么平凡的人。
就像地上的蚂蚁，不会发现他的出现。
就像空气，见不着，摸不到。

常在想，我在别人心中会留下怎样的印象？
空气？蚂蚁？还是什么都不是？

today ? tomoro? future? nothing.

2009-07-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

have been very very busy with my work lately...10 hours per day make me exhausted and honestly i really dun hv much time to think of other thgs except work...
i thought i have already put down and accept my failure...
but..in fact..i didn't...
i just trying to put it aside...to some place in my heart where i realy dun which to dig it out.... a place that i have buried it deep inside enough...

.........................................................
what m i suppose to plan for my future now?
i have no idea at all..
is like the light that guide me to the end dimmed. when will it light up again? i have mo idea...i know a lot of ppl around me saying that 'it's ok...it's ok' and yes...i appreciate it a lot n a lot.
but, is always how my heart feels.
i just do not know how long more i hv to numb myself.

will tomoro be a better day for me?

...............................................smile....

Especially to ET... terrorist and also popo

2009-06-30T01:18:00.001-07:00

DEAR ET....

y do u have to make ppl cry by being so thoughtful ??
I know.... I know and I know....
I know is not easy not just myself but everyone of u to suffer from such an unexpected result....I know how much u all care of me... how much u all wan to keep me away from keep on thinking of this.... I know...
I know how much u all trying to be strong at another side of the phone....
I know u all tried to make me smile again when i went bac to pack my things....
I know all of us dun like this separation....
I know u r crying alone when i passed u all the receipt that suppose to be handled by me...
I know u all tried not to change anything until i'm bac....
I know... I know....
I know u all care of me...I know.... I KNOW !!!!!!!!
Dun worry....
I will stand bac up... I will keep my promises...
I will not turn into someone that i dun even know who m i...
I will not think that others will look down on me...
I will not give up...

Thx for all the phone calls...
Thx for all the sms...
Thx for all the way down to accompany to PP's room....
Thx for avthg.....

Dear terrorist and popo....
To popo....if my cried over another side of the phone scared u....sorry...but thanks for being there... Thx for calling me... thx for all the msg....thx for everything and everything.....
To terrorist....thank you for the mms....thankx for...for....all the supports....and dun worry i will stand bac up....be prepared for another fight when i'm bac ( :p )

To all of u.... I LOVE u all no matter how...
I promise ... when u all c me next time... there will be smile on my face again ..

---------------------------------------------------------- from purple -------------

We are memang meant to live under one roof....same sot sot gene...same surname....
YEAH~

Dear Friends...

2009-06-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

This is a passage directed to everyone i love...
Hi... it takes me a lot of courage to write down this passage. Last week, there is one horrible call i got from IMU... that told me i couldn;t make it through sem 6. All of a sudden, my world turned into total darkness. I do not know to response to such a shocking news. Everything was so out of control as i am too confident that i could just sail through smoothly till i graduate. But who knows.. i fail to do so... at the very last moment, when the ending point was so near yet so far now. I've hide myself from the world outside for 3 days, not replying any sms from friends, not going on FB, and not even on MSN. For 3 days long, there is only tears and heart ache.

sorry if i make u all worry of me. But I was jus not ready and dunno how to deal with all this feelings all of sudden. My parents was disappointed yet supportive. They tried not to show it out in front of me but i know how much i have let them down. I've blamed myself, asking why all these happened and i just couldn;t find an answer for this. Everyone around me keep on telling me not to give up, stay on strong, i'm just in terrible bad luck, and it doesn't matter how long u take to reach the destination as long as u r there.....yes... i know all these and sincerely i appreciate it all.. But..is just not easy for me... This failure took away all my courage, confident, pride and ego. My heart was smashed and crushed into pieces when i got this news and being swept into longkang when i was in PP's room.
(to my dearest CT, rmb avtime u said we pecah ur heart into pieces and swept into longkang.... i can really felt that when i faced PP...he just made u felt how useless u r, and remind u how terrible u did. )

Crying doesn't solve anythg. I've cried enough till even when i feel like crying, there is just no more tears rolling down. i know i got to stand up and walked pass this. special thx to all my beloved friends.... all ur sms n wishes...thank you... And to my family... thx for all the supports...

if i tell u all that i'm totally okie now...is just a very nice white lie.. there's heartache avtime i glanced bac our photos together...and every morning when i wake up, the first thg that comes into my mind is just that i am no longer with u all...and thinking of next year.. i hv to go with juniors...i just hope that i can go invisible and no one notices my appearance. thinking of next year... when all of u graduate.. and yet i may be still there ushering around or may be i dun even hv the courage to be there in person.... *heart ache just persist on...on...and on*

Yes, a lot of u said that time heals. Yes, time heals. But this is a very painful and hard fall. A fall that i dun even sure whether i can really get my wound heal. even if it heals there will be an very ugly scar that left there... a scar that would remind me of this horrible experience... a moments and memory that i wished i could delete it forever....

I know this two years that coming ahead is gonna be a very tough year for me.... two years that i hope i can really hold on to. I not sure whether can i really strive through the end but i will try....
This moment i might think i can...but next moment...may be not...

I know all of u r being supportive... thank you...
thanks for letting me holding bac all the post that i used to be in...to let me know that i'm still part of u all...

to all the juniors that if u all read this... yes...i'm gonna be with u all...may be u all never predict is me (neither do myself) but is already a fact...so just keep me a place in LT...

to seniors (esp FB....thx for ur comfort) all ur wishes to me for graduating next year is not gonna turn into reality..sorry.

to all my beloved hsemate n roommate, teng, wearn n vivi, and all those that i pull me up when i was in my total miserable and helpless moment ..thank you so so much... i dunno what to say..but thank you, thank you and thank you.

oh and thx to aad to crossing out my name in bright red ink... to letting the whole world know that i'm being kicked out....(WTF!!! this is what we call 'put salt on ur wound...thx for letting me know how painful it is)

This is not suppose to be a sad passage...
To everyone... dun worry , i will try... to stand up... to face this failure... i promise...to myself.

Thank you...
Hopefully when u all c me again... there is only smile and no more tears on me...

我爱的周末。

2009-06-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

感恩。
每次参加佛学营的感觉。
都会有新的体验，新的感想，新的心得。

浪漫。
今天情人节。。。
丰富了我的周末。
我生平第一场演唱会。
有好多的感触，感动，浪漫。。。感想。

这个周末，很丰富。。。。
很值得记下。。。。
好想把所有感觉都记录下来。
但，我好累。

明天。。。。明天。。。我会把我精彩的周末细细纪录。。。。

stress up....

2009-06-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

i'm nervous...super nervous
ganbate hui shan..
that's all i can say...
i will do well this time !
i can i can i can!

40% 的 vodka

2009-06-09T00:37:00.000-07:00

烈酒，好喝吗？不觉的。
昨晚，我们五个人，决定试试自己的酒量，首次尝试了40% 酒精含量的vodka.
但只喝酒，会有点闷，于是，我们加进了扑克牌游戏。
不玩还好，一开始玩，真是一发不可收拾，喝得开始猛了。
因为，一直输嘛。：《
几杯黄酒下肚，立刻有种身心燃烧的感觉。
脸开始发红。。。。
身子开始火热的烧。。。。
再玩多几盘，全身开始像熟了的虾子。
红彤彤的。。。。

开始晕了。。。。
五个人，四个无法走直线了。。。。。
玩到大概第四盘吧，大家都投降了。。。。。

然后，就晕晕的，躺在床上。

喜欢晕眩的感觉吗？
还不错。。。

但，我会头疼。
不喜欢头疼。。。。

但，
vodka ，原来没有很好喝。

新颖的震撼。

2009-06-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

奇怪的题目吗？也不是。。。因为，真的是新颖的震撼。
今天，第一次，参加了一场音乐会。再klcc.malaysian philharmonic youth orchestra.
以为自己会睡着，但出奇的是，我竟然会有意犹未尽的感觉。

是一个很特别的感觉。
很美妙的音乐，我不是音乐人，也没有任何音乐的底子，所以不会用什么话去形容那场音乐会。
美妙，震撼，像是做过山车一样。。。。过了一场很有趣的音乐炉行。
对，这些就是我可以用来形容的字眼。

令我想起waltdisney的卡通片。
很有趣。。。。
很可爱。。。。

有机会的话，不妨试一试。。。。

停电记

2009-06-04T23:35:00.001-07:00

对。。。是一个老掉牙的题目。
但就发生了。在这么严热的天气。

话说。。。。昨日，我正很开心的准备要开始念书时（也没有真得很开心，但。。要吹眠一下自己）
突然，我可怜的电脑。。。突然失灵了。。。。
心里一襟。。。。发生什么事了？

然后。。。就听到有人在叫门。。。就是一个讨人厌的家伙。。。拿着那张令人讨厌的红字。。。
对。。。就是来宰电的。。。。因为太久没还电费了。。。
怎么办呢？
还可以怎样呢？

就只好去还电费了。。。。
这时突然觉得自己的朋友很少。。。。因为在这紧要关头。。。要一个人单刀匹马的去还那张很吓人的电费。。。

幸好。运气还不错。很快的就有teksi了。
然后，就很心痛的按了马币600块出来。

这时，要深深地感激我的老爸。。。。幸亏在我的户口里留了一笔钱。。。。不然。。。。
但，也要可怜一下我的户口。。。。因为它长期贫穷。。。。从来储蓄不了钱。

还了那笔‘天债’ 之后。。。。
就一个人在CAR4里流浪。。。。
为什么说我流浪呢？因为不想回家变烧猪。

流浪了一阵。。。。还真是无聊。。。。还是决定回家了。
当然。。。。。刘慧珊哪里会亏待自己呢??

哈哈，所以。。。临回家之前，给自己买了一杯。。。我的之爱----oreo mcflurry.
但。。。它变小了好多：《

回到家里。。。。空荡荡的家。。。。没有人。。。
幸好。。。。我的电脑还有后备电磁。。。可以撑一下。

就这样。。。度过了两个小时。。。。
等到刘刘和慈慈回到后。。。。。我也真实的。。。。变成了---

一只烧猪。

夜泳。

2009-06-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

昨天，与刘刘游了一场夜泳。

先向慈慈道歉。。。。让她虚惊一场。。。。。以为我们两个失踪了。

夜泳，好爽！嘻嘻。。。。
诺大的游泳池，只有我们两个。。。好棒。
没有其他人的少绕，自由自在的。。。游来游去。。。。

我仰躺在泳池里。。。。
仰望着都市夜晚的天空。。。
一颗星星都没有。好失望哦。。。。

但还好。。。。还有一颗明月。
不算很明亮。。。。但好过什么都没有。。。

一片漆黑的天空，
没有星星的点缀。。。
简单，却令人有天马行空的遐想。

开始爱上漆黑的夜晚。

我们不结婚，好吗？

2009-06-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

好喜欢这本书，喜欢哪村村的爱情，甜蜜中的浪漫，令人回味有心痛的爱情。
该介绍一下这本书吗？
还是让你们自己看吧。。。。
好好看。。。。
好喜欢。。。。

喜欢男主角所做的一切。。。
喜欢男主角所说的话。。。。
那丝丝丝的动作，细心也甜蜜。

好喜欢他说的一句话。。。。
“幸福就是当你戴上这枚戒指，点头对我说 yes 的时候。”

好浪漫....
好希望...也会有人对我这么说.

害怕。寂寞

2009-06-02T00:14:00.000-07:00

一个人留在空荡荡的房间里，会倍感寂寞。
一丁点的声音，就会令人有好多遐想，胡思乱想。
还以为，自己是坚强的。。。。但原来，还是会害怕一个人的时候，害怕安静，害怕一个人。。。

寂寞。
一个令人讨厌的下午。。。。。
谁得空与我谈天呢？？

future?

2009-06-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

May be is too late for me to think of this issue now, but then this thought just keep on played on my mind.
This failure makes me think more about my future.
Whether will I make it to a real licensed pharmacist. Whether will I be a successful one and love my job.
I just wasn’t sure and start to doubt my ability.
Yes. This is what I wanted so much. Years back. Now, if I am throw with this question again I wasn’t sure of the answer. Am I really suitable for this field?
If I was given a chance, I would actually like to try on business. Not to say that I wanted to quit pharmacy but then I would like to check out on what is business field all about.

Thinking back on my passion when I first stepped into this pharmacy field, with all the guts and aims to help people, to be a specialist on drugs, to make doctors know the existence of pharmacist , to bring out pharmacist as first line health care professional and no longer working behind the scene…..however, after years of hardwork, busy-ness and struggle in bpharm, I started to doubt on my determination in this field.

Yes, there is still passion and compassion to step into this field. To check out what is it when I’m a real licensed pharmacist having ward round in the bright white lab coat…..yet , I’m so doubt on my ability to carry out my role. My knowledge, my personalities, and professionalism as a future pharmacist, sufficient ? I wonder.

Failure is a step stone to succeed. I always know this. However is never easy to accept failure, especially when everyone around you is proceeding towards success.

I’m trying hard to accept this fact……that I actually failed one paper…my first failure in my life ! on my last EOS….issin’t it a shame? This is the only sem that I have the confidence that I will surely pass and yet I failed…. Haha….

I just can’t stop scolding myself, blaming myself, angry over myself….
Wondering where did I go wrong…..wondering why m I the one ….

I’m trying to get through this…picking up my mood to study….to stick back onto my notes…
May be I wasn’t hardworking enough…
May be I wasn’t as clever as others…
May be I’m ….

Come on…..get through these!!!!!!!
I’ll prove the world I deserve a BIG BIG PASS!!

p/s: suppose to post this up on 26 may...but due to some circumstances...there;s some delay

天堂里不再有眼泪

2009-04-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

如果在天堂遇见你，你还记不记得我是谁？

　　　如果在天堂遇见你，你是否还像过去？

　　　我必须坚强，但我做不到，我不属于这儿，我只属于你。

　　　如果在天堂遇见你，你会不会紧握我的手？

　　　如果在天堂遇见你，你会不会帮助我坚强？

　　　我要寻找从黑夜到白昼的路，因为我知道我要找到你。

　　　请带我走吧，我相信天堂里定会有安宁。

请带我走吧，我知道天堂里不再有眼泪。

这是栽之一篇感人的文章。
很感人的文章。
http://www.5719.cn/Html/gandong/gandongnidegushi

应该。。。。努力了！

2009-04-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

考试。。。还有两个星期。。。大家都在拼命的读书了。
只有我。。。还徘徊于假期的心态。
好想放大假。。。。
好想什么都不做。
好想就这样。。。

曾经想过。。。如果我没有进入这间大学，我的命运或如何？
我还会是现在的我吗？
我还会遇到现在这班好友吗？

但是生命没有回头。
没有重来。

加油。。。
努力活得更精彩！

希望所有所有的人。。。都会快乐的活着。

期待

2009-04-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

人生总会有好多的期待。期待会变好，期待会变漂亮，
期待会有好成绩，期待着可以实现梦想的一天，
期待有一天，总会美梦成真。

但，只有期待，没有努力，有用吗？
没有。要美梦成真，就要努力争取。
努力朝向自己的目标。

我有所期待吗？？
有。。。好多好多。
期待自己的人生活更美好；
期待可以顺利毕业；
期待可以是父母的骄傲；
期待可以有爱我的人；
期待有值得我爱的人。

期待。。。。会实现吗？

幸福会来临吗？

2009-04-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

何谓幸福？最近在细想的问题。

大家对于幸福的定义都不一样。

我觉得？我不晓得。
我幸福吗？也许吧。

别人说，幸福是在你很累的时候，可以好好的休息。
别人说，幸福是在你对人微笑的时候，也有人对你微笑。
别人说，幸福是知足的时候。
别人说，幸福是你爱的人，也深爱着你。

那么，我幸福吗？
你有幸福吗？

还有一个人说幸福是在你觉得幸福的时候。。。。

我的幸福呢？

改变了：〉

2009-04-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

把原本令人沮丧的黑色换成了温柔又有着神秘感的紫色。我最爱的颜色。

也许常在感叹自己的生命没有很完美，没有很幸福。但幸福定义何在？有个朋友说，幸福就是你觉得幸福的时候。
说过不要再自怜自爱，说过要珍惜一切，但凡人如我，也有不开心的时候。
曾经，这里只是我留下伤心，烦恼的痕迹。。。单。。。也许他也该有些开心的事情来点缀一下。

也许。。。这是一遍没人浏览的博客。。。。

但却有着我真实的心声。

欢迎。。。来到全新的博客。

2009 年....我...会过得更好

2009-03-02T08:40:00.000-08:00

致.自己

原来我没有为2008年做个终结.
但没关系...因为我要为2009年的我...加油.
今年,有好多想做的事....
有好多想尝试的事....
我会一一实现...

我会让自己...过得快乐...幸福.

加油喔!!!

决定不要再自怜自艾的自己

Beautiful life.

2008-12-26T07:37:00.000-08:00

Mood swing day...
Haha there's always this pre-school reopening syndrome. The feeling where i feel like i dun wan to start lecture but yet feel like wan to meet up with friends that haven't meet up for one month plus. Dilemma.

But still no matter how...i love holidays. I love to stay home...hang around with parents...even just spending a day in my room by jus reading books will be good enough.

This holiday...i manage to read up one dhamma book written by Dr Chan Kah Yein. A Kite in the wind. The main concept of this book is embrace simplicity, travel light in life. Everytime after i finish reading one small passage from this book, i will have these feeling that i'm just so lucky to be borned into this world. To embrace the beauty of the universe, spending my time with my family, sharing loves and concerns with families and friends...

One of the words that i love from this book is KISS. Wut crossed ur mind when i mention KISS? well actually KISS is the short form for 'keep it short and simple' neither in the words u say out or the sentence u want to write out. This is also to be implicate into our life. Keep our life simple. Never burden ourself with hatred and jealousy.

Try to love others more, tolerate more and concern more.

Of course, our life always full with ups n downs. Sometimes we like it. sometimes we don't. Cherish the moment u like more, for those u dun like....take it as a challenge, a step stone for u to grow up...something that make u more mature.

Quoted from [A Kite in The Wind]

Fear less, hope more,
Eat less, chew more,
Whine less, breathe more,
Talk less, say more,
Hate less, love more,
And all good things will be yours.
-SWEDISH PROVERB-

Life is beautiful when we start to cherish it and embrace it.
Live in the present. Do all you can , while you still can.

I expect to pass through this world but once;
Any good thing therefore that I can do,
Or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature,
Let me do it now;
Let me not defer or neglect it,
For I shall not pass this way again.

-William Penn n Etienne de Grellet-

Here and now...love everyone around you...
With this, I would like to share my love with everyone that read this passage...

Love,
hui shan...

突然，好想去一趟茨长街

2008-12-21T01:53:00.001-08:00

今天，报纸赤裸裸地报道了关于茨长街的历史。
从不知何时开始，我开始爱上历史性的地方。。。那浓浓的历史风味，让我不禁着迷。
身为怡保人，逛茨长街的机会实在是少之有少。
印象最深刻的就是流动的水果小贩。烈日当空，小贩们仍不辞劳苦的卖水果替顾客们消暑解热。
还有那讨价还价的叫卖声。。。。按摩院。。。。小吃摊。。。。那齿夹留香的福建面，超大的烧包。。
。馅多皮薄。。。一口咬下去。。。哇！！！美味美味。。。
还有还有，那清心透凉的罗汉果凉水。。。。还有好多好多的回忆。
但随着时代的变迁，这历史性的地方开始失色。开始留下了回忆。

突然，好想去一趟茨长街。

the sky is still blue...

2008-12-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

It's been quite awhile since my last post. Not to say i'm too busy but just dun feel like writing something here. Today...a usual day like it always is...until we received a call from my aunt.

My mom's mother's brother oh well in short i called him my granduncle, passed away. It's a shocking news to us. He used to be so healthy and strong and compassionate in his life. He treats everyone so well and even though we don;t meet each other often and i dunno whether he rmb me or not, but everytime we met he will treat us with the warmest hospitality he can ever gave. The last time we met was like two years ago when his grandson (which is my cousin) got marry. We took a snap shot together. I still rmb he said to me that 'you've grown up so much....still rmb the time when i carry you on my hand...' and today we are apart....seems so near and yet we are too far away. There's always plan ahead...where we said we will pay him a visit next time we go penang.... we will do this do that but all those plan....will only be plans that will never comes true. When we got this news...my mom worried that my grandma can't accept this fact...coz is her brother that live with her for her past 70+ years...they grew up together and been through a lot. My mom and I, together with my bro drove to my grandma's place. My grandma already knew this news when we reached her place. She's strong. She knows that her brother left her forever. She just feel bad that she's unable to visit him while he was hospitalised. She wanted to pay his brother the last respect, which is the only thing she can do now.

It rains whole day here in ipoh...mourning for the lost ... this make me feels how fragile our life can be. Not to say that i can't accept that people are leaving me... i truely understand that our love ones will sooner leave us due to old age but this year, there are too many cases. From my friend's friend....to my best mates grandparents...all of them left us. I hate the feeling of being separated apart. I hate the feeling of making me feel so helpless. I hate to sent my love ones away.

Life is full of up and downs....full of unpredictables...full of happiness and sadness...all these make our life more meaningful. I start to think more on others. Showing more of my concern....making my plans into action before it's too late.
I cherish my family...my friends and everyone around me.

So long...granduncle. The sky is till blue....and we will farewell you with our loves and smiles.

ARGHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!

2008-10-31T20:11:00.000-07:00

Arghhhh.......i need to talk!!!!
two more days to my finals and yes.... i'm still blogging over here. I'm quite sure that if some of my coursemates see i'm still onling here, probably their jaws will fall and their eyes will bulged out. Yes, no kidding....when there's exam season, everyone in vista is like transforming into a study machine...nothing else but just sleep n eat with notes.
but yet...i can't. I can't stand with the life of studying notes for 24 hours. Nothing goes into my mind while i was studying just now. That's y i'm here. because there's no one that's free around here to talk wif me as well...haha...that's yi'm watching smallville season 8.. tom welling...charming one...justin hartley...attractive one...alll these people..keep me fr my nervousness....whoa...
What is the purpose of exam actually? sometimes i wonder. is it really test on our understanding? well, in certain extent it did test on our understanding but then mostly on memorising. no kidding. Purely memorised. I'm that type that support open book exam. well yes, may be when it is open book, there will be like question that need more understanding but at least i don't have to memorise that much. Not like now, all is like depends on luck...when u enter exam hall, when u just get to so lucky that u memorise the correct one and still able to vomit out wut is in ur mind...then you score. Well, of course hardworkship is important. U worked hard memorise avthg, then no need to depend on luck. Everything will be just at ur finger tips. But i dunno, may be i'm not as smart as others and may be my brain is not working as well ... i just don't like purely memorising work....

comparatively, i would prefer practical exam rather than just memorising.
But then? well well well , is not the matter whether i like it or don't, it's turning into a duty that i have to follow. duty as a student and as a daughter ( for not dissapointing them)

yes, when u tell others that u r nervous, u afraid that u can't do well, others will just said "try ur best." the word BEST. How to determine best? i always wonder where is my best? well i just it will never be my best until i got the maximum score in everythg. (well, ya is kinda impossible, but BEST means BEST right?)

Anyway exams will still be here in one n a half day time. So, hui shan just good luck and keep it up!

I'm still so far to prefect.

平凡如我

2008-10-14T01:28:00.000-07:00

今天,阳光普照.温煦的阳光温暖了大地,也温暖了我的心.
平凡的我在这平凡的一天里,有着平凡的心情.

对, 就是平凡的心情.

突然忆起诗人,徐志摩的诗.

"悄悄的我走了,正如我悄悄的来,
我挥一挥衣袖,不带走一片云彩."

人生不过如此....

今天是美丽的一天,带着平静的心.....送给大家一首歌.

lost.

2008-10-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

argh.....i losts my ouhm to study.....i dunno what happen just that this sem i don't feel the energy that drive me to work harder. It is not to say a very tough sem...i enjoy the busy moment....makes my day occupied. But i don't like the exam period. I hate the time when the atmosphere around me start to become so stress..... i wan to live in happiness....free of suffering...mental suffering especially.

Ya...may be is just enough for me to do my best...but where's my best?? i don't know... everytime i said i will try my best...but is it my best?? i dunno where is my best..... i dunno where is my limit....

i always think tat there's potential in everyone...potential that embedded in everyone. Everyone can be a A star student. can i be one of them..... yes i can....may be those who actually read my blog think that i'm boosting... but i really believe that everyone can be a first class student.

Arghh....what m i talking??? is so unstructured... my mind is so so blank i would say. i just feel tat i need to blog...but don't really know what to wrtie...

yes my blog...don't have nice layout...no rainbow colours...no bombastic words....no prefect grammar...but who cares?? is my blog.... so it will follow my way and my styles....

I'm so so lost today.

好想,好想.

2008-10-11T23:27:00.000-07:00

不知在何时开始,我也开始变得多愁善感了.别人说,女人就是这么的阴晴不定.
好想好想,去海边.....好想好想,去潜水.....好想好想,无忧无律的去做我想做的事........

耳边旋绕着梁精茹的<满满都是爱>...好幸福的一首歌.

好希望, 我也会被满满的爱包围着.....快快乐乐....

this is what it is.

2008-10-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

well well well, i've been very emo for like past two weeks but this few days it becomes better. just out of sudden i start to find back my happiness. The source of happiness.

Recently, there is a lot of issues coming up that trigger out all the 'emo-ing' moment that i have. My frens start to hv their own new relationship and i will suddenly feel that i'm a alone and being left out. Honestly, i do feel jealous and envy. Envy and jealous over what other people have .... thinking of how come their life can be so prefect.... how come they will always get what they want...

N then this few days, i read a lot... books and articles from newspaper. There is a lot that telling us the world outside is so big. There is so much thgs waiting for us to encounter.... for us to explore. There is no need for us to jealous or envy over something we dun hv...because every single one of us is special. There is a special destiny designed for everyone of us. So...jus be patient and wait.....there is something for u...for everyone for us...

But..as a lay person as me...how can i get rid of all those feelings?? jealousy, envy, anger, hatred.......but i trying hard..trying to be more thankful and appreciate what i have now..for this moment.

love........

2008-09-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

what is love....today spend whole day trying hard to put all those management notes into my head...and haha u know when u studying something that u r not really interested, ur mind will start to swing to nowhere. And i start to think of love...boy and girl type of love. there's always never been easy to get the correct man for urself, someone who can fulfill all the so-called ' prefect requirement' on my list...what's the requirement..haha i dun really know...but there's one top most one is that i must feel secure and being protected beside him. ET always said that when there's the right time, at the right place, the right guy will just drop down infront of u... haha i doubt that how high is the probability of this will happen... well thou this thoughts just come in when i feel so depress facing all those stupid notes, pbl and upcoming psd and also assignment that seems to be will take u forever to do it... but when this thought comes in i will just like figuring out hmmm what will happen to do in the next 5 years....
being single still sometimes will be good at least there's no burden and less worries, quarrels and heart break. I've seen too much tears from other couples. however, this doesn't means that i dun trust on relationship.. i still looking forward for it... just let time be and may be really like what ET said....one day the right man will just pop up...

but...when will it be that day???

nothing is good.

2008-09-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

is not a good day for me here. Is a day that makes me feel so depress and make me like a loser in everything...no matter whatever i do... what's wrong? haha i dunno is just not my day...

I dunno what happen to me today... is just like so depressing here...i spend whole night 'anasthesing' myself by watching non stop movie marathon. ya i know the exam is coming but i dunno i just feel that i'm so lost ... helpless and alone.....who am i? what's my purpose of life? what do i want and what am i aiming for? i'm totally lost.

i don't like this feeling when i'm like so so so alone and moody and...argh...i dunno how to describe how i feel now...i just feel like i need to get to a place with nice beach, blue sea, blue sky, bright and warm sunshine.......

I lost my happiness today.

me....

2008-09-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

i'm never a blogger because i not that type that will stick on to something forever...i easily get distracted and will try out new things every now and then....so is just like writing diary the first few weeks, full with enthutiastic and passion...but as times flies....my passion flies too.....this is why i hardly try out in blogging. But then there is sometimes in a day when u feel so so so likely to jot down ur feelings, and there's no way to go... when u feel like u have something to say but not to anyone...u just feel like u wan to voice out something... then blog is a way i can express i guess... tat's y i named it soul searching...i dunno how long will i write this may be for a few days, few months or forever..may be one day when i'm old... i read back what i wrote in my 20's... ehem..then i will sigh and said ' i used to be young' ... haha but all these will only be true if i start to jot down all the moment that i like to cherish...every moment that i would like to share with others.

so here i am.... first step into the blogger zone.