today ? tomoro? future? nothing.

have been very very busy with my work lately...10 hours per day make me exhausted and honestly i really dun hv much time to think of other thgs except work...
i thought i have already put down and accept my failure...
but..in fact..i didn't...
i just trying to put it aside...to some place in my heart where i realy dun which to dig it out.... a place that i have buried it deep inside enough...

.........................................................
what m i suppose to plan for my future now?
i have no idea at all..
is like the light that guide me to the end dimmed. when will it light up again? i have mo idea...i know a lot of ppl around me saying that 'it's ok...it's ok' and yes...i appreciate it a lot n a lot.
but, is always how my heart feels.
i just do not know how long more i hv to numb myself.

will tomoro be a better day for me?


...............................................smile....

Especially to ET... terrorist and also popo

DEAR ET....

y do u have to make ppl cry by being so thoughtful ??
I know.... I know and I know....
I know is not easy not just myself but everyone of u to suffer from such an unexpected result....I know how much u all care of me... how much u all wan to keep me away from keep on thinking of this.... I know...
I know how much u all trying to be strong at another side of the phone....
I know u all tried to make me smile again when i went bac to pack my things....
I know all of us dun like this separation....
I know u r crying alone when i passed u all the receipt that suppose to be handled by me...
I know u all tried not to change anything until i'm bac....
I know... I know....
I know u all care of me...I know.... I KNOW !!!!!!!!
Dun worry....
I will stand bac up... I will keep my promises...
I will not turn into someone that i dun even know who m i...
I will not think that others will look down on me...
I will not give up...

Thx for all the phone calls...
Thx for all the sms...
Thx for all the way down to accompany to PP's room....
Thx for avthg.....

Dear terrorist and popo....
To popo....if my cried over another side of the phone scared u....sorry...but thanks for being there... Thx for calling me... thx for all the msg....thx for everything and everything.....
To terrorist....thank you for the mms....thankx for...for....all the supports....and dun worry i will stand bac up....be prepared for another fight when i'm bac ( :p )

To all of u.... I LOVE u all no matter how...
I promise ... when u all c me next time... there will be smile on my face again ..

---------------------------------------------------------- from purple -------------





























We are memang meant to live under one roof....same sot sot gene...same surname....
YEAH~

Dear Friends...

This is a passage directed to everyone i love...
Hi... it takes me a lot of courage to write down this passage. Last week, there is one horrible call i got from IMU... that told me i couldn;t make it through sem 6. All of a sudden, my world turned into total darkness. I do not know to response to such a shocking news. Everything was so out of control as i am too confident that i could just sail through smoothly till i graduate. But who knows.. i fail to do so... at the very last moment, when the ending point was so near yet so far now. I've hide myself from the world outside for 3 days, not replying any sms from friends, not going on FB, and not even on MSN. For 3 days long, there is only tears and heart ache.

sorry if i make u all worry of me. But I was jus not ready and dunno how to deal with all this feelings all of sudden. My parents was disappointed yet supportive. They tried not to show it out in front of me but i know how much i have let them down. I've blamed myself, asking why all these happened and i just couldn;t find an answer for this. Everyone around me keep on telling me not to give up, stay on strong, i'm just in terrible bad luck, and it doesn't matter how long u take to reach the destination as long as u r there.....yes... i know all these and sincerely i appreciate it all.. But..is just not easy for me... This failure took away all my courage, confident, pride and ego. My heart was smashed and crushed into pieces when i got this news and being swept into longkang when i was in PP's room.
(to my dearest CT, rmb avtime u said we pecah ur heart into pieces and swept into longkang.... i can really felt that when i faced PP...he just made u felt how useless u r, and remind u how terrible u did. )

Crying doesn't solve anythg. I've cried enough till even when i feel like crying, there is just no more tears rolling down. i know i got to stand up and walked pass this. special thx to all my beloved friends.... all ur sms n wishes...thank you... And to my family... thx for all the supports...

if i tell u all that i'm totally okie now...is just a very nice white lie.. there's heartache avtime i glanced bac our photos together...and every morning when i wake up, the first thg that comes into my mind is just that i am no longer with u all...and thinking of next year.. i hv to go with juniors...i just hope that i can go invisible and no one notices my appearance. thinking of next year... when all of u graduate.. and yet i may be still there ushering around or may be i dun even hv the courage to be there in person.... *heart ache just persist on...on...and on*

Yes, a lot of u said that time heals. Yes, time heals. But this is a very painful and hard fall. A fall that i dun even sure whether i can really get my wound heal. even if it heals there will be an very ugly scar that left there... a scar that would remind me of this horrible experience... a moments and memory that i wished i could delete it forever....

I know this two years that coming ahead is gonna be a very tough year for me.... two years that i hope i can really hold on to. I not sure whether can i really strive through the end but i will try....
This moment i might think i can...but next moment...may be not...

I know all of u r being supportive... thank you...
thanks for letting me holding bac all the post that i used to be in...to let me know that i'm still part of u all...

to all the juniors that if u all read this... yes...i'm gonna be with u all...may be u all never predict is me (neither do myself) but is already a fact...so just keep me a place in LT...

to seniors (esp FB....thx for ur comfort) all ur wishes to me for graduating next year is not gonna turn into reality..sorry.

to all my beloved hsemate n roommate, teng, wearn n vivi, and all those that i pull me up when i was in my total miserable and helpless moment ..thank you so so much... i dunno what to say..but thank you, thank you and thank you.

oh and thx to aad to crossing out my name in bright red ink... to letting the whole world know that i'm being kicked out....(WTF!!! this is what we call 'put salt on ur wound...thx for letting me know how painful it is)

This is not suppose to be a sad passage...
To everyone... dun worry , i will try... to stand up... to face this failure... i promise...to myself.

Thank you...
Hopefully when u all c me again... there is only smile and no more tears on me...

我爱的周末。

感恩。
每次参加佛学营的感觉。
都会有新的体验，新的感想，新的心得。


浪漫。
今天情人节。。。
丰富了我的周末。
我生平第一场演唱会。
有好多的感触，感动，浪漫。。。感想。

这个周末，很丰富。。。。
很值得记下。。。。
好想把所有感觉都记录下来。
但，我好累。

明天。。。。明天。。。我会把我精彩的周末细细纪录。。。。

stress up....

i'm nervous...super nervous
ganbate hui shan..
that's all i can say...
i will do well this time !
i can i can i can!

40% 的 vodka

烈酒，好喝吗？不觉的。
昨晚，我们五个人，决定试试自己的酒量，首次尝试了40% 酒精含量的vodka.
但只喝酒，会有点闷，于是，我们加进了扑克牌游戏。
不玩还好，一开始玩，真是一发不可收拾，喝得开始猛了。
因为，一直输嘛。：《
几杯黄酒下肚，立刻有种身心燃烧的感觉。
脸开始发红。。。。
身子开始火热的烧。。。。
再玩多几盘，全身开始像熟了的虾子。
红彤彤的。。。。

开始晕了。。。。
五个人，四个无法走直线了。。。。。
玩到大概第四盘吧，大家都投降了。。。。。

然后，就晕晕的，躺在床上。

喜欢晕眩的感觉吗？
还不错。。。

但，我会头疼。
不喜欢头疼。。。。

但，
vodka ， 原来没有很好喝。

新颖的震撼。

奇怪的题目吗？也不是。。。因为，真的是新颖的震撼。
今天，第一次，参加了一场音乐会。再klcc.malaysian philharmonic youth orchestra.
以为自己会睡着，但出奇的是，我竟然会有意犹未尽的感觉。

是一个很特别的感觉。
很美妙的音乐，我不是音乐人，也没有任何音乐的底子，所以不会用什么话去形容那场音乐会。
美妙，震撼，像是做过山车一样。。。。过了一场很有趣的音乐炉行。
对，这些就是我可以用来形容的字眼。

令我想起waltdisney的卡通片。
很有趣。。。。
很可爱。。。。

有机会的话，不妨试一试。。。。