Dear Friends...

This is a passage directed to everyone i love...
Hi... it takes me a lot of courage to write down this passage. Last week, there is one horrible call i got from IMU... that told me i couldn;t make it through sem 6. All of a sudden, my world turned into total darkness. I do not know to response to such a shocking news. Everything was so out of control as i am too confident that i could just sail through smoothly till i graduate. But who knows.. i fail to do so... at the very last moment, when the ending point was so near yet so far now. I've hide myself from the world outside for 3 days, not replying any sms from friends, not going on FB, and not even on MSN. For 3 days long, there is only tears and heart ache.

sorry if i make u all worry of me. But I was jus not ready and dunno how to deal with all this feelings all of sudden. My parents was disappointed yet supportive. They tried not to show it out in front of me but i know how much i have let them down. I've blamed myself, asking why all these happened and i just couldn;t find an answer for this. Everyone around me keep on telling me not to give up, stay on strong, i'm just in terrible bad luck, and it doesn't matter how long u take to reach the destination as long as u r there.....yes... i know all these and sincerely i appreciate it all.. But..is just not easy for me... This failure took away all my courage, confident, pride and ego. My heart was smashed and crushed into pieces when i got this news and being swept into longkang when i was in PP's room.
(to my dearest CT, rmb avtime u said we pecah ur heart into pieces and swept into longkang.... i can really felt that when i faced PP...he just made u felt how useless u r, and remind u how terrible u did. )

Crying doesn't solve anythg. I've cried enough till even when i feel like crying, there is just no more tears rolling down. i know i got to stand up and walked pass this. special thx to all my beloved friends.... all ur sms n wishes...thank you... And to my family... thx for all the supports...

if i tell u all that i'm totally okie now...is just a very nice white lie.. there's heartache avtime i glanced bac our photos together...and every morning when i wake up, the first thg that comes into my mind is just that i am no longer with u all...and thinking of next year.. i hv to go with juniors...i just hope that i can go invisible and no one notices my appearance. thinking of next year... when all of u graduate.. and yet i may be still there ushering around or may be i dun even hv the courage to be there in person.... *heart ache just persist on...on...and on*

Yes, a lot of u said that time heals. Yes, time heals. But this is a very painful and hard fall. A fall that i dun even sure whether i can really get my wound heal. even if it heals there will be an very ugly scar that left there... a scar that would remind me of this horrible experience... a moments and memory that i wished i could delete it forever....

I know this two years that coming ahead is gonna be a very tough year for me.... two years that i hope i can really hold on to. I not sure whether can i really strive through the end but i will try....
This moment i might think i can...but next moment...may be not...

I know all of u r being supportive... thank you...
thanks for letting me holding bac all the post that i used to be in...to let me know that i'm still part of u all...

to all the juniors that if u all read this... yes...i'm gonna be with u all...may be u all never predict is me (neither do myself) but is already a fact...so just keep me a place in LT...

to seniors (esp FB....thx for ur comfort) all ur wishes to me for graduating next year is not gonna turn into reality..sorry.

to all my beloved hsemate n roommate, teng, wearn n vivi, and all those that i pull me up when i was in my total miserable and helpless moment ..thank you so so much... i dunno what to say..but thank you, thank you and thank you.

oh and thx to aad to crossing out my name in bright red ink... to letting the whole world know that i'm being kicked out....(WTF!!! this is what we call 'put salt on ur wound...thx for letting me know how painful it is)

This is not suppose to be a sad passage...
To everyone... dun worry , i will try... to stand up... to face this failure... i promise...to myself.

Thank you...
Hopefully when u all c me again... there is only smile and no more tears on me...