Saturday, December 19, 2009

Muazkx

where my heart goes?
I have no idea.
Read bout ET's blog lately...'life is complicated enough, so we don't complicate it anymore.'
I agree.

Life is always more than boys and girls relationship. Some see it as something very important, some don;t. As for me, of course it will be a great bonus in my life and i have no doubt eagerly waiting for this bonus.

Back to days where we have phone chat and more chat...which related not only to what we did recently but also into sex....there's no boundary and limits on our topics..but sometimes i'll think issit too much when we talked bout all these..

May be we won;t go any further ... or may be we will...
But life is always unpredictable..

I love sparks in my life... I love excitement....
And I'm waiting for love dust to sprinkle on me.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Bloody hell day.

What a day!!!
already have bad mood due to menstrual pain, and not sure why is it so pain this time as i dun normally suffered from menstrual pain,all these feelings go from bad to worst while i got that msg..in my inbox.
great...so that is it...one day before, we were still happily having our gathering and one day after that everythg just went so so wrong...ger...
yes we were wrong... we admitted and we apologised for that..
so why do we still accepting such an inbox msg?? or shall i put it as warning???
is a msg that dun expect any reply as suppose...as i dun think anyone of us know how to reply such a msg..
"so u guys happy la.." i dun like this line at all!! we are not happy!! why shall we? for being scolded??

so this is it right?? sometimes sorry just dun cure...
what else can i say??
there's nothing else we can do?
but we learned from mistake.
There's no more such a mistake happened whether is on us, or on u..

What a day?? testing my EQ on how far i can stand from bursting?
well great...i'm near to explosion!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

久违了

久违了的部落格。
应该记载一下生活上的点点滴滴对吗??但今天我想写的却是心里的想法。
曾经,我是很好面子的人。我在意别人对我的看法,所以我尽可能地做好本分,但很多时候,事与愿违。
很快地,我又要开学了。但这一次的开学,不会有兴奋或期待;只会有紧张和更多的紧张。
但,我期许我的未来会更美好。
加油!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

梦想

最近是毕业高峰期。。。许多朋友都毕业了,朝着自己的前途及梦想前进。
梦想。。。还记得,我们都曾为了自己的梦想而迷茫的时候吗?
现在,我们都长大了,都朝着自己的梦想更近了。。。
但,越靠近,越觉得害怕,越觉得无可预知的未来更可怕。
那视乎是一个那么近,却有那么远的梦。
好久都没了那股想要追求自己梦想的冲动了。
曾经,有友人说过,他的梦并不在他正在做的工上;
也有友人说过,她毕业过后,未必会做回与她念的科系有关的工作;
那么,当初大家都曾追求的梦想呢?

已经忘了自己还雄心壮志的时候了,每天视乎像例行差事一样;重复的做着自己习惯的工作,像是麻木了
的机械人般,有条理的朝着已经分不清是责任,还是梦想的事情奋斗着。
梦想,还存在吗??
梦想,到底是什么呢?
是一个遥不可及的海螫阁楼??
还是,我们可以努力奋斗的目标?

我自己也分不清了。
梦想到底是离我越来越远??还是越来越近呢??
梦想,是瞬间灿烂,还是永恒美丽...

p/s:愿朋友们都朝着自己的梦想前进。

Monday, October 12, 2009

冲凉.浴室

我是一个很喜欢冲凉的人。
我喜欢花洒的水洒在我身上的感觉;
我喜欢泡沫铺满全身的感觉;
那种阵阵的芬芳,让人忘了忧愁;
花洒上的水,视乎有神奇的魔力,可以把不开心,一一冲掉。
不开心时,我喜欢呆在浴室里;任由花洒的水珠在我身上奔跑。
我喜欢在身上察上厚厚的泡沫,浓浓的香味,有着疏解压力的作用。
喜欢看着白色的泡沫,随着水流满整个浴室的地面。。
像是可以形成一幅画,一幅写满我心事的画。
它们像是我很好的朋友似的,永远不会把我的秘密泄露出去;
只会把我的烦恼,默默地,安静的带到远方。。。

今天,我用了绿茶味的沐浴露。
喜欢这个味道。。。因为,它让我有着回忆。

Sunday, October 11, 2009

对不起

每一次都是这样,不是吗?
我任犹所有的话一句句的往我心里络下一条条的伤痕。每一句我都听进去,我都记进去。
我的心中也有很多得不安。也有很多未知的未来,又怎样?
每一次的结果都一样,我默默的在听,默默的在听,忍住要反驳的时候。
每一句每一句,都像在那很深的伤口里撒盐。
那个没次愈合了又伤的伤口。。。
已经使我疼得没有任何感觉了。

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

原来,我还是那样

已经有一阵子没有这种落寞的感觉了,以为自己痊愈了,原来没有。原来内心的某一处,还是害怕寂寞,
害怕面对未知的未来,害怕让别人知道自己的失败。
人生中容许失败吗?因人而异,不同的人当然就会有不同的想法。
而我自己觉得呢?
我陷入了无可取决的迷茫时期。
有时,我觉得只要我再努力,我就可以从失败中爬起来;
有时,我却觉得,我已经没有勇气再去面对这一切。
我知道,我明白,比我不幸的人还有很多。。。很多。
我,也许只是在经历人生中小小的挫折。
但这挫折,来得波涛汹涌,令我几乎招架不住了。
我很努力的面对着这一切,但我也会有累了的时候;
累了,就会开始钻牛角尖了。。。开始自怜自哎,觉得只有自己在孤独地面对着这一切。。。
所以,我害怕寂寞,害怕夜深人静的时候,只留下我一个。

未来,只是一片迷茫。
我根本看不清远方的路。
我应该继续为自己加油打气。。。。直到。。。。永远。

Monday, September 28, 2009

友谊万岁

大家开始工作之后,大概就很难再见面了吧!所以我很珍惜每一次相聚的机会。
这一次的长假,有得有失,得比失多,或少?很难衡量。

当然,我不让这一次的长假白白的过。
最值得安慰的是与姐妹们,无数次的聚会。最近这几次的聚会,大概比平时一年里的聚会还要多吧!
哈哈哈。。。但我,享受每一次的聚会。
没有压力,没有顾虑,没有不能说的话,没有分享不了的秘密。
我们一同成长,一同面对过了考试的压力,进大学的彷遑,对爱情的期待,对于未来的茫然。。。

从以前一同穿着白衣蓝裙到校园去,到现在相约穿上最亮眼的衣服才会出街。。。
从以前每天下课一同去挤食堂,到现在相约茶餐室喝下午茶。。。
从以前的四眼妹,到现在都在戴隐形眼镜。。。
从以前不施脂粉就浩浩荡荡的出街,到现在说好要一起化妆才会出门。。。
从以前懊恼谁的父母可以负责载送,到现在讨论谁该驾车。。。。
从以前讨论零用钱不够多,到现在讨论工钱不够多(虽然,我还未真是地工作)。。。












长大了,友谊同样在长大。。。。
希望我们都越变越好。。。

Sunday, September 27, 2009

与所有水瓶座共勉之



可惜我们都是水瓶座。

那天,与好久不见的水瓶K见面,她,消瘦了好多,人也变得没有那么的开心。虽然表面上视乎还有笑容,但,同样是水瓶座的我,感觉得出,那是一种“皮笑肉不笑”的她。水瓶座出了名的心事多,有心事,也不愿告诉别人,因为,我们很想要保护自己,很不愿意,把自己的心,赤裸裸地呈现在别人的面前。

水瓶座的人,总是想太多。常在想一些有的没的,越想,越多忧愁,越不敢朝自己最想要的梦想前进。所有的心酸,会希望自己扛,泪会往心里流。总觉得,我们没有必要把自己的问题,变成别人的包袱。

水瓶座的人,总觉得很难把心事告诉别人,因为,我们不容易相信别人。我们会希望,别人不强迫我们,把我们的心扉打开,因为会以为没有人会明白我们的心。

这一次,水瓶K真的比以前不开心了很多。我们畅谈了好多,畅谈了我们的未来,我们未来的及实现的梦想。成长,多了很多的烦恼。我们不再像小时候,谈着甚么连续剧好看,哪个补习老师最好,妈妈又唠叨了甚么。。。
现在的我们,有更令人无法解决的烦恼,我们的前程。那看似前途无限好的未来,真的那么好吗?
我们仍漂浮与茫然与迷茫之中。“雾里看花,纵隔一层” 我们的雾,多得让我们看不清前方的路了。

她说,有机会再把一切告诉我。希望她真的能够打开心结,过回开心的生活。就算是感情也好,事业也好,只要勇敢的面对,一定会找到解决方案。没有任何决定是完美的。就算是多完美的安排,仍会有漏洞。。。仍会有无法预测到的 “意外”。有很多时候,机会就在那么一刹那,机会错失了,也许就会是个遗憾了。

年轻不应留白。年轻应该过得更有自我。年轻,是应该活得更开心的。

共勉之!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

1am till 2.31am

OH well, this is the normal sleeping hour for normal people and normal days but not when ur good buddy asked u to read bout her blog. So, with all my guilt and sorry, i have to beg for the blog site AGAIN and read bout her blog. (p/s : is dunno how many times i lost her blog add.)

Is a very well decorated blue coloured blog with a song which i dunno where is it from, anyway tat's not the main point. I have to be fast to search out which is/are the RELEVANT passage so that i can ask RELEVANT questions. So, within seconds (all thanx to the speed reading ability due to a lot of training in searching info for portfolio) I've found the passage!! Hooray. And, to my surprise , hmmm shock, i read bout this line " you're another loser that couldn't accept a NO from a girl" . OMG! what is this mysterious xxx? another X-file?? I have to dig it more out! So, i decided to call her... but then, hmmm now is always not very convenient to have GIRLS talk when ur mom was around. So, we cut off the phone and switch back to MSN. It's really amazing how convenient new technology can be (lol) So, we chatted all about what had happened, what are the consequences , how thgs got more complicated? (bleh~) But...when she msn-ed me "and u noe, the funniest part is..." BLINK. I was disconnected. Ger~~ unstable wireless connection again. What to do? i decided to use bac phone call then.

It was 1 am that time. Lol. Is always much more easier to talk then typed. Cox there is no emotion when u see words popping out from ur laptop. U can only guess what others feel by all those emoticons (which some of them are so 18sx..wahahah) Anyway, we had a very nice and COMPLETE chat ytd nite!! We reported to each others what happened lately, ourselves, our family, our friends. I love those moments when we were still in high school, meeting each other everyday, never get bored on chatting and hanging out in MCD, and also...gossiping about others using weird weird nickname like Mr ACIDIC. (wahaha...u sure noe who he is, buddy.)

Suddenly, my mom turned my door knob half way while we were chatting, complaining that i'm too loud and afraid that I will irritate our neighbours . Oooops, oh well, sorry. HAHA ( oh , jus to mention, i was chatting in my 18 degrees room, lying on my king size bed, with blanket covering my body , and only the head popped out, and handphone on my left ear ) so...hmmm hv to turn down my volume a bit. So...we continued. Haha, from old school mates to teachers, to frens, fren's parents .... well unbelievable. Girls talk can always be a forever thing and we will never get tired of chatting. Then, her sis 'interuppted' a bit into our conversation, to say hi and also, playing wif her lovely fon fon. (perhaps i should have said hi to fon fon as well...hmmm next time ya jo. ) wahaha... then, oh not to mention the part where i was being accused on my sucks memory again. I used to be very lousy in remembering faces and names. As a consequence, u will being said absent minded and poor in observation and even u claimed that u are improving, it doesn't help much. First image is always important, it can be life long. What a pity...

So...so, this round of girls talk lasted 1:10:49. It ended at 2.31am. WHEE...we are amazing! haha. Anyway we have had chatted longer than this, so is not a new record either.

It is a lovely night! Hope that u had a nice dream and deep sleep, I had mine...my 'lovely' princess. ( nah...i used the word 'lovely'...so u cannot get mad)

wahaha...warmest blessing to u, jo and...fon fon...Muazx.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mp3-Codes


More at MP3-Codes.com

女人与靴子

总觉得女人得一生中一定要有一双属于自己的靴子。因为靴子,象征着狂野中带点俏丽;成熟中又不失女人独有的韵味。但是,要找到一双适合自己的靴子,是何其难事呀! 不同的靴子,可以出席不同的场合,陪衬不同的衣服,穿出不一样的味道。曾听友人说过:选靴子就像选男人一样,除了感觉要对,舒适以外,外表还要相衬,这样才会美观,惹人称羡。也因为这样,许多女生都抱着太大的希望,太高的要求,一直无法找到称和自己心意的靴子,同样的男人亦如此。

而我,正物色着自己最爱的靴子。



这是一双短靴。有着可爱的蝴蝶结,温柔的颜色,俏丽可爱。乃为我靴子之首选。

当然,现在这五花八门的世界,你要什么样的靴子都有。典型直筒长靴;刚烈高跟短靴;有狂野型的;新潮养眼格子长靴;及灰姑娘似浪漫及跟短靴。






不同的性格,会喜欢不一样的靴子,会穿出不一样的味道。而在决定哪一个才是属于自己的靴子时,往往女生会考量太多;担心太多;而往往与属于自己的靴子擦身而过。所以说,要找到一双自己称心满意的靴子,还真是一件不容易的事嘛。找到了就要好好的珍惜,为这不易得来的缘分深深的感恩。

我正努力寻找属于我的靴子,期待着我会找到它的那一天,而你找到了吗?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

MC JEW 系列之 JEM product

这是一部很像鬼片的生日短片。
先介绍一下片里的人物角色:
最眼浅女主角,J小姐
最佳新进导演,E小姐 (同时,也荣获最佳惊愫片摄影手法的头衔)
最上镜女配角,M小姐 (偶尔要自恋一下 )

本片名为:JEM之温馨 ` 恐怖生日之路

内容为:

主角因为收到了前所未有的礼物而欣喜万分,感动得泪如雨下。在阅读好友们远方飘来的祝福时,更是感
动流涕,但因为非常爱美,又刚巧忘了用 ‘防水睫毛膏’。。。所以只好强忍眼泪,努力挤出笑容,搞到出现了 ‘又哭又笑’ 的金典画面。另外一方,负责准备礼物的 M 及 E 小姐,也因为自己成功把寿星女弄哭,而开心庆功,高举‘V’手势。。。并开始盘算着下一次的 ‘催泪大行动’。。。尽请期待! !



本故事纯属‘呕心沥血’之作,如有雷同,纯属巧合。

p/s : 对于那有点像鬼片的特别效果是为了。。。。。使这部片更加深入民心。。。生日片拍得如此特别,请给
我们的导演热烈的掌声!!!!还有我们那漂亮的女主角,鼓励鼓励。。。。。(下次记得,要用‘防水’化妆品)

毕。

Saturday, September 19, 2009

here m i again...

这将会是一篇很长很长的心声。
对,久违了的部落格。有好多好多想说的话。。。。。最近,在很期待自己未来会怎么样,但,却思不出
个所以然。最近,也很想念朋友,所有曾在我生命中出现过的朋友。
MCJEW,我们新成立的帮派。我们五个姐妹淘,有天南地北聊不完的话,有着大家不能说的秘密。。。
M 正是在下。。。没有什么好说,就是一个最普通,最不起眼,路过也会见到好几百个的平凡人。
C , 小小的身影下,背负了许多我们见不到的重担。坚强的让别人汗颜。总希望,她有问题时可以找别人帮忙,但坚强独立的个性让她很努力的,勇敢的朝着自己的目标前进。
J,最最最最好的姐妹淘。已经到了动一下鼻毛,就知道她要卫生纸的境界(虽然有点夸张)。她吗,做什么都要快,总像在与时间赛跑,一天24小时,她会用足23小时。说话快,走路快,驾车快,骂人快,赚
钱也快;其实总很感恩她的出现,让我在有问题时,有倾述的对象。
E,也是姐妹淘。最常通电话的对象。分享着许多成长的秘密;讨论着成长的无奈,随之而来的种种问题。她,也是最常把我们五个联系一起的桥梁。。。。(因为,我们其他人太懒了:P)
W,唯一一个与我大学生活最接近的。因为,我们上了同一所大学。大学里,有了她,不会那么的孤单,寂寞。。。至少,我知道有一个姐妹,就住在一条马路以外。还要特别鸣谢她的男友,虽然,常说一些没
有很准的广东话,但也很可爱。



常会说,如果有一天,我们找不到命中注定的那个他,我们就一起住。一个人的时候就常会在想,要是我
们都开始工作了,分散在世界各个角落,会不会有一天,大家都忘了大家?见面时,不在聊个没完?当然
,我现在深信着这一天永远都不会降临。

在大学里,我也庆幸遇到了你们。。。。
G,最要好的朋友。会因为偶尔的意见不合,不满对方,但很快的,又和好如初。谢谢你为我的大学生活留下的所有色彩。。。。也谢谢你曾为我的失败留下的每一滴泪。
C,典型的“香蕉”。但却是一个多愁善感的香蕉。常会为了小事而难过。会因为考试压力而心理失调,有哭有笑,还会与我争厕所。。。但却也是最敢与我暴力相对地‘交手对象’。。。
M,最可爱的婆婆。哈哈。。。最令人怜惜,也最不舍对她大声说话的。。。因为她太太太温顺,乖巧。但,也很开心,因为她,我们多了一个可以欺负的对象。




我们几个,住在同一个屋檐下。每天朝夕相处。。。。也同样聊着没完没了的话提。会因为对方难过而难
过;因为对方开心而开心。

当然还有好多好多,无法一一尽数。。。但所有出现在我生命里的人,很感谢你们。让我的生活多了好多
的色彩。



好像很感伤。。。。
但最主要的是要告诉大家,很开心遇到了你们。。。:P

Saturday, August 15, 2009

美。帅。

哈哈。很吊的题目。但,我喜欢。
短发的坏处就是很快的,又要去修了。所以,才减了一个月的短发,又要去给发型师赚钱了。
所以,这种时候,一个恰当的发型屋及发型师是绝对很重要的。

何谓恰当的呢?当然最重要的,就要价廉物美。便宜得来,技术也不能太差。
最好呢,发型师好要略微帅。嘻嘻。
所以,我发型屋的首要抉择。
phillipe sum 发型屋。而且还只是一间特定的分行,因为,他算我最便宜。
而且,最重要的,他的发型师很帅,很健谈。
这样一来,我让他赚钱,赚得甘心。也剪得开心。

在帅哥的抄刀下,很快的,美美的发型出炉了!!!





短发中的美与帅。清爽。干净利落!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

送给你的生日礼物。

真替他们开心.
今天,是一个朋友的生日(预祝)....很开心他过得那么好,不再活在自己的阴霾里.开始敞开胸怀,接受新的感情,新的未来.羡慕吗?多多少少有一点,但是祝福胜过一切。
我正心诚怡的祝福他们。

你们要幸福哦。。。。。
就算只是很好的朋友,也是很幸福的。需知道,我们可是修了好几辈子的福气,才可以成为很好的朋友的。。。

愿你们永远快乐,幸福。。。。。
送上这首很感动的歌。。。。希望你们可以一起,到达‘最幸福的海‘。



好像有点太伤感了,但是,想让你们知道。。。只要经历过种种,最后还是可以很幸福的。
为此,另外送上一首歌吧。。。。很应景哦。。。。



最后,生日快乐啦!!!
这就是你的生日礼物了。。。别再向我要了。。。。
生日快乐!



希望,你不嫌弃咯。。。。。

Saturday, August 8, 2009

brand new design..


hey ya....
is a brand new design of my blog...
and to everyone out there... I've cut my hair short ( hmmm.. perhaps is a old news for most of u...but for those that haven't seen my look....lol...)

why there is this sudden change?? oh well just think of need to give a brand new change to everything to accept all the changes that i gonna face.

a brand new look...with brand new blog...hopefully will be a brand new journey waiting for me ahead....

Sunday, August 2, 2009

我,一个怎样的人?

我,是一个怎样的人?我是容易令人安心的人吗?我是令别人厌恶的人吗?
最近的我,已经变成连我自己都不晓得是一个怎样的人了。
我最近,开心吗?
不 。
最近的我,连部落格都想欺骗。
我好想告诉所有人,我很开心。但,我没有。
脸上的笑容不再真诚。泪水,直往心里流。总以为,我可以是一个很坚强的人。但,我不想再是一个很坚强的人了。假惺惺的坚强连我都觉得自己很令人讨厌了。

总会看到同学在校园的一切活动。。。。很感慨没能参与。。。。
别人都会说‘没关系,跌倒了,爬起来就好。我爬起来了。。。但我的伤口,深得我没有信心它会愈合。’
每天会为自己的失败懊恼。会因为一个又一个的噩梦惊醒。
只会用忙碌的生活,麻醉自己的感觉。

以为自己会坦然接受一切。但我不是,我没有。
好想好想哭。痛痛快快的哭。我流出来的泪海。。。旨在提醒自己,我就是这么平凡的人。
就像地上的蚂蚁,不会发现他的出现。
就像空气,见不着,摸不到。


常在想,我在别人心中会留下怎样的印象?
空气?蚂蚁?还是什么都不是?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

today ? tomoro? future? nothing.

have been very very busy with my work lately...10 hours per day make me exhausted and honestly i really dun hv much time to think of other thgs except work...
i thought i have already put down and accept my failure...
but..in fact..i didn't...
i just trying to put it aside...to some place in my heart where i realy dun which to dig it out.... a place that i have buried it deep inside enough...

.........................................................
what m i suppose to plan for my future now?
i have no idea at all..
is like the light that guide me to the end dimmed. when will it light up again? i have mo idea...i know a lot of ppl around me saying that 'it's ok...it's ok' and yes...i appreciate it a lot n a lot.
but, is always how my heart feels.
i just do not know how long more i hv to numb myself.

will tomoro be a better day for me?


...............................................smile....

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Especially to ET... terrorist and also popo

DEAR ET....

y do u have to make ppl cry by being so thoughtful ??
I know.... I know and I know....
I know is not easy not just myself but everyone of u to suffer from such an unexpected result....I know how much u all care of me... how much u all wan to keep me away from keep on thinking of this.... I know...
I know how much u all trying to be strong at another side of the phone....
I know u all tried to make me smile again when i went bac to pack my things....
I know all of us dun like this separation....
I know u r crying alone when i passed u all the receipt that suppose to be handled by me...
I know u all tried not to change anything until i'm bac....
I know... I know....
I know u all care of me...I know.... I KNOW !!!!!!!!
Dun worry....
I will stand bac up... I will keep my promises...
I will not turn into someone that i dun even know who m i...
I will not think that others will look down on me...
I will not give up...

Thx for all the phone calls...
Thx for all the sms...
Thx for all the way down to accompany to PP's room....
Thx for avthg.....

Dear terrorist and popo....
To popo....if my cried over another side of the phone scared u....sorry...but thanks for being there... Thx for calling me... thx for all the msg....thx for everything and everything.....
To terrorist....thank you for the mms....thankx for...for....all the supports....and dun worry i will stand bac up....be prepared for another fight when i'm bac ( :p )

To all of u.... I LOVE u all no matter how...
I promise ... when u all c me next time... there will be smile on my face again ..


---------------------------------------------------------- from purple -------------





























We are memang meant to live under one roof....same sot sot gene...same surname....
YEAH~

Dear Friends...

This is a passage directed to everyone i love...
Hi... it takes me a lot of courage to write down this passage. Last week, there is one horrible call i got from IMU... that told me i couldn;t make it through sem 6. All of a sudden, my world turned into total darkness. I do not know to response to such a shocking news. Everything was so out of control as i am too confident that i could just sail through smoothly till i graduate. But who knows.. i fail to do so... at the very last moment, when the ending point was so near yet so far now. I've hide myself from the world outside for 3 days, not replying any sms from friends, not going on FB, and not even on MSN. For 3 days long, there is only tears and heart ache.

sorry if i make u all worry of me. But I was jus not ready and dunno how to deal with all this feelings all of sudden. My parents was disappointed yet supportive. They tried not to show it out in front of me but i know how much i have let them down. I've blamed myself, asking why all these happened and i just couldn;t find an answer for this. Everyone around me keep on telling me not to give up, stay on strong, i'm just in terrible bad luck, and it doesn't matter how long u take to reach the destination as long as u r there.....yes... i know all these and sincerely i appreciate it all.. But..is just not easy for me... This failure took away all my courage, confident, pride and ego. My heart was smashed and crushed into pieces when i got this news and being swept into longkang when i was in PP's room.
(to my dearest CT, rmb avtime u said we pecah ur heart into pieces and swept into longkang.... i can really felt that when i faced PP...he just made u felt how useless u r, and remind u how terrible u did. )

Crying doesn't solve anythg. I've cried enough till even when i feel like crying, there is just no more tears rolling down. i know i got to stand up and walked pass this. special thx to all my beloved friends.... all ur sms n wishes...thank you... And to my family... thx for all the supports...

if i tell u all that i'm totally okie now...is just a very nice white lie.. there's heartache avtime i glanced bac our photos together...and every morning when i wake up, the first thg that comes into my mind is just that i am no longer with u all...and thinking of next year.. i hv to go with juniors...i just hope that i can go invisible and no one notices my appearance. thinking of next year... when all of u graduate.. and yet i may be still there ushering around or may be i dun even hv the courage to be there in person.... *heart ache just persist on...on...and on*

Yes, a lot of u said that time heals. Yes, time heals. But this is a very painful and hard fall. A fall that i dun even sure whether i can really get my wound heal. even if it heals there will be an very ugly scar that left there... a scar that would remind me of this horrible experience... a moments and memory that i wished i could delete it forever....

I know this two years that coming ahead is gonna be a very tough year for me.... two years that i hope i can really hold on to. I not sure whether can i really strive through the end but i will try....
This moment i might think i can...but next moment...may be not...

I know all of u r being supportive... thank you...
thanks for letting me holding bac all the post that i used to be in...to let me know that i'm still part of u all...

to all the juniors that if u all read this... yes...i'm gonna be with u all...may be u all never predict is me (neither do myself) but is already a fact...so just keep me a place in LT...

to seniors (esp FB....thx for ur comfort) all ur wishes to me for graduating next year is not gonna turn into reality..sorry.

to all my beloved hsemate n roommate, teng, wearn n vivi, and all those that i pull me up when i was in my total miserable and helpless moment ..thank you so so much... i dunno what to say..but thank you, thank you and thank you.

oh and thx to aad to crossing out my name in bright red ink... to letting the whole world know that i'm being kicked out....(WTF!!! this is what we call 'put salt on ur wound...thx for letting me know how painful it is)

This is not suppose to be a sad passage...
To everyone... dun worry , i will try... to stand up... to face this failure... i promise...to myself.

Thank you...
Hopefully when u all c me again... there is only smile and no more tears on me...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

我爱的周末。

感恩。
每次参加佛学营的感觉。
都会有新的体验,新的感想,新的心得。


浪漫。
今天情人节。。。
丰富了我的周末。
我生平第一场演唱会。
有好多的感触,感动,浪漫。。。感想。

这个周末,很丰富。。。。
很值得记下。。。。
好想把所有感觉都记录下来。
但,我好累。

明天。。。。明天。。。我会把我精彩的周末细细纪录。。。。

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

stress up....

i'm nervous...super nervous
ganbate hui shan..
that's all i can say...
i will do well this time !
i can i can i can!

40% 的 vodka

烈酒,好喝吗?不觉的。
昨晚,我们五个人,决定试试自己的酒量,首次尝试了40% 酒精含量的vodka.
但只喝酒,会有点闷,于是,我们加进了扑克牌游戏。
不玩还好,一开始玩,真是一发不可收拾,喝得开始猛了。
因为,一直输嘛。:《
几杯黄酒下肚,立刻有种身心燃烧的感觉。
脸开始发红。。。。
身子开始火热的烧。。。。
再玩多几盘,全身开始像熟了的虾子。
红彤彤的。。。。

开始晕了。。。。
五个人,四个无法走直线了。。。。。
玩到大概第四盘吧,大家都投降了。。。。。

然后,就晕晕的,躺在床上。

喜欢晕眩的感觉吗?
还不错。。。

但,我会头疼。
不喜欢头疼。。。。

但,
vodka , 原来没有很好喝。

Sunday, June 7, 2009

新颖的震撼。

奇怪的题目吗?也不是。。。因为,真的是新颖的震撼。
今天,第一次,参加了一场音乐会。再klcc.malaysian philharmonic youth orchestra.
以为自己会睡着,但出奇的是,我竟然会有意犹未尽的感觉。

是一个很特别的感觉。
很美妙的音乐,我不是音乐人,也没有任何音乐的底子,所以不会用什么话去形容那场音乐会。
美妙,震撼,像是做过山车一样。。。。过了一场很有趣的音乐炉行。
对,这些就是我可以用来形容的字眼。

令我想起waltdisney的卡通片。
很有趣。。。。
很可爱。。。。

有机会的话,不妨试一试。。。。

Thursday, June 4, 2009

停电记

对。。。是一个老掉牙的题目。
但就发生了。在这么严热的天气。

话说。。。。昨日,我正很开心的准备要开始念书时(也没有真得很开心,但。。要吹眠一下自己)
突然,我可怜的电脑。。。突然失灵了。。。。
心里一襟。。。。发生什么事了?

然后。。。就听到有人在叫门。。。就是一个讨人厌的家伙。。。拿着那张令人讨厌的红字。。。
对。。。就是来宰电的。。。。因为太久没还电费了。。。
怎么办呢?
还可以怎样呢?

就只好去还电费了。。。。
这时突然觉得自己的朋友很少。。。。因为在这紧要关头。。。要一个人单刀匹马的去还那张很吓人的电费。。。

幸好。运气还不错。很快的就有teksi了。
然后,就很心痛的按了马币600块出来。

这时,要深深地感激我的老爸。。。。幸亏在我的户口里留了一笔钱。。。。不然。。。。
但,也要可怜一下我的户口。。。。因为它长期贫穷。。。。从来储蓄不了钱。

还了那笔‘天债’ 之后。。。。
就一个人在CAR4里流浪。。。。
为什么说我流浪呢?因为不想回家变烧猪。

流浪了一阵。。。。还真是无聊。。。。还是决定回家了。
当然。。。。。刘慧珊哪里会亏待自己呢??

哈哈,所以。。。临回家之前,给自己买了一杯。。。我的之爱----oreo mcflurry.
但。。。它变小了好多:《

回到家里。。。。空荡荡的家。。。。没有人。。。
幸好。。。。我的电脑还有后备电磁。。。可以撑一下。

就这样。。。度过了两个小时。。。。
等到刘刘和慈慈回到后。。。。。我也真实的。。。。变成了---

一只烧猪。

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

夜泳。

昨天,与刘刘游了一场夜泳。

先向慈慈道歉。。。。让她虚惊一场。。。。。以为我们两个失踪了。

夜泳,好爽!嘻嘻。。。。
诺大的游泳池,只有我们两个。。。好棒。
没有其他人的少绕,自由自在的。。。游来游去。。。。

我仰躺在泳池里。。。。
仰望着都市夜晚的天空。。。
一颗星星都没有。好失望哦。。。。

但还好。。。。还有一颗明月。
不算很明亮。。。。但好过什么都没有。。。

一片漆黑的天空,
没有星星的点缀。。。
简单,却令人有天马行空的遐想。

开始爱上漆黑的夜晚。

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

我们不结婚,好吗?

好喜欢这本书,喜欢哪村村的爱情,甜蜜中的浪漫,令人回味有心痛的爱情。
该介绍一下这本书吗?
还是让你们自己看吧。。。。
好好看。。。。
好喜欢。。。。

喜欢男主角所做的一切。。。
喜欢男主角所说的话。。。。
那丝丝丝的动作,细心也甜蜜。




















好喜欢他说的一句话。。。。
“幸福就是当你戴上这枚戒指,点头对我说 yes 的时候。”

好浪漫....
好希望...也会有人对我这么说.

害怕。寂寞















一个人留在空荡荡的房间里,会倍感寂寞。
一丁点的声音,就会令人有好多遐想,胡思乱想。
还以为,自己是坚强的。。。。但原来,还是会害怕一个人的时候,害怕安静,害怕一个人。。。

寂寞。
一个令人讨厌的下午。。。。。
谁得空与我谈天呢??

Monday, June 1, 2009

future?

May be is too late for me to think of this issue now, but then this thought just keep on played on my mind.
This failure makes me think more about my future.
Whether will I make it to a real licensed pharmacist. Whether will I be a successful one and love my job.
I just wasn’t sure and start to doubt my ability.
Yes. This is what I wanted so much. Years back. Now, if I am throw with this question again I wasn’t sure of the answer. Am I really suitable for this field?
If I was given a chance, I would actually like to try on business. Not to say that I wanted to quit pharmacy but then I would like to check out on what is business field all about.

Thinking back on my passion when I first stepped into this pharmacy field, with all the guts and aims to help people, to be a specialist on drugs, to make doctors know the existence of pharmacist , to bring out pharmacist as first line health care professional and no longer working behind the scene…..however, after years of hardwork, busy-ness and struggle in bpharm, I started to doubt on my determination in this field.

Yes, there is still passion and compassion to step into this field. To check out what is it when I’m a real licensed pharmacist having ward round in the bright white lab coat…..yet , I’m so doubt on my ability to carry out my role. My knowledge, my personalities, and professionalism as a future pharmacist, sufficient ? I wonder.

Failure is a step stone to succeed. I always know this. However is never easy to accept failure, especially when everyone around you is proceeding towards success.

I’m trying hard to accept this fact……that I actually failed one paper…my first failure in my life ! on my last EOS….issin’t it a shame? This is the only sem that I have the confidence that I will surely pass and yet I failed…. Haha….

I just can’t stop scolding myself, blaming myself, angry over myself….
Wondering where did I go wrong…..wondering why m I the one ….

I’m trying to get through this…picking up my mood to study….to stick back onto my notes…
May be I wasn’t hardworking enough…
May be I wasn’t as clever as others…
May be I’m ….

Come on…..get through these!!!!!!!
I’ll prove the world I deserve a BIG BIG PASS!!

p/s: suppose to post this up on 26 may...but due to some circumstances...there;s some delay

Saturday, April 11, 2009

天堂里不再有眼泪

如果在天堂遇见你,你还记不记得我是谁?

   如果在天堂遇见你,你是否还像过去?

   我必须坚强,但我做不到,我不属于这儿,我只属于你。

   如果在天堂遇见你,你会不会紧握我的手?

   如果在天堂遇见你,你会不会帮助我坚强?

   我要寻找从黑夜到白昼的路,因为我知道我要找到你。

   请带我走吧,我相信天堂里定会有安宁。

请带我走吧,我知道天堂里不再有眼泪。

这是栽之一篇感人的文章。
很感人的文章。
http://www.5719.cn/Html/gandong/gandongnidegushi

应该。。。。努力了!

考试。。。还有两个星期。。。大家都在拼命的读书了。
只有我。。。还徘徊于假期的心态。
好想放大假。。。。
好想什么都不做。
好想就这样。。。

曾经想过。。。如果我没有进入这间大学,我的命运或如何?
我还会是现在的我吗?
我还会遇到现在这班好友吗?

但是生命没有回头。
没有重来。

加油。。。
努力活得更精彩!

希望所有所有的人。。。都会快乐的活着。

期待

人生总会有好多的期待。期待会变好,期待会变漂亮,
期待会有好成绩,期待着可以实现梦想的一天,
期待有一天,总会美梦成真。

但,只有期待,没有努力,有用吗?
没有。要美梦成真,就要努力争取。
努力朝向自己的目标。

我有所期待吗??
有。。。好多好多。
期待自己的人生活更美好;
期待可以顺利毕业;
期待可以是父母的骄傲;
期待可以有爱我的人;
期待有值得我爱的人。

期待。。。。会实现吗?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

幸福会来临吗?

何谓幸福?最近在细想的问题。

大家对于幸福的定义都不一样。



我觉得?我不晓得。
我幸福吗?也许吧。

别人说,幸福是在你很累的时候,可以好好的休息。
别人说,幸福是在你对人微笑的时候,也有人对你微笑。
别人说,幸福是知足的时候。
别人说,幸福是你爱的人,也深爱着你。

那么,我幸福吗?
你有幸福吗?

还有一个人说幸福是在你觉得幸福的时候。。。。

我的幸福呢?

Monday, April 6, 2009

改变了 :〉

把原本令人沮丧的黑色换成了温柔又有着神秘感的紫色。我最爱的颜色。

也许常在感叹自己的生命没有很完美,没有很幸福。但幸福定义何在?有个朋友说,幸福就是你觉得幸福的时候。
说过不要再自怜自爱,说过要珍惜一切,但凡人如我,也有不开心的时候。
曾经,这里只是我留下伤心,烦恼的痕迹。。。单。。。也许他也该有些开心的事情来点缀一下。

也许。。。这是一遍没人浏览的博客。。。。

但却有着我真实的心声。

欢迎。。。来到全新的博客。

Monday, March 2, 2009

2009 年....我...会过得更好

致.自己

原来我没有为2008年做个终结.
但没关系...因为我要为2009年的我...加油.
今年,有好多想做的事....
有好多想尝试的事....
我会一一实现...

我会让自己...过得快乐...幸福.

加油喔!!!

决定不要再自怜自艾的自己